The Adventures Of Buddah Pest

King of the run-on sentence...

Ok. I don't mind wrestling with Max when I know it's coming but I don't like him being all stealthy and knocking me down the stairs when I'm trying to lick my fun parts. He did it again and I asked what he thought he was doing and he said "I'm being all in Timmy Datin'." Well, he doesn't need to be Timmy because there's already a perfectly good Timmy, and whoever Timmy is datin' is none of Max's business and it would be very rude for him to pretend to be Timmy just to be datin' Timmy's girlfriend. That's a LAW. A nice kitty does not try to date another kitty's girlfriend, and that means you don't rub foreheads together, you don't watch birdies out the window together, and you really don't sniff each others' butts, because that would be rude and not fair to the kitty who was doing all the datin'. So Max needs to stop trying to be Timmy Datin' and find his own girlfriend, and stop knocking me down the stairs when I'm paying attention to my fun bits.

Do I really have to help Max practice his sumo wrestling just because he's doing it for the Kitty Lympics? He's not helping me practice for climbing and high jumping. I know he wants to win but I don't believe that sumo wrestling means pushing another kitty off the top stair to the bottom.

Hahahahahaha LOOKY!

Max had to go to the stabby place today and before they went he gotted a pill to make him not so growly but it didn't work very well so the bald guy stabbed him with something else to make him really loopy and it worked real good! Max could hardly walk when he came home and his eyes were all funny and I think he kind of liked it. That was a million hours ago and he's still pretty loopy. I been leaving him alone because the Mom and the Dad said I had to, but I'm having lots of fun just watching him. I bet he's hungry, though, because at dinner time he was locked in a room with the Dad and I ate all by myself and all he's had since he got home was a little chicken water the Mom gave him because he hid somewhere and they couldn't find him so she opened a can to make him unhide and then said it wouldn't be fair to not let him have any, so she gave him the water and a few tiny bites of chicken but not too many so he wouldn't barf. I hope he gets to eat soon.

I missed my GOTCHA day! I forgot about it and it went by and no one else remembered either! Or maybe Max did and that's why he's been so growly. Saturday was 1 whole year since the Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad brought me home. I don't even really remember what it was like before they adopted me. But I guess it's okay that we all forgot, because no one even rememebers what Max's GOTCHA day is.

Ha Ha Ha Max doesn't know it yet but I heard the Mom and the Dad say that he's going to the stabby place tomorrow and get stabbed and maybe even have some of his blood sucked right out of his body! The Dad just went over there to get something that will make Max all drunk and not so growly so the bald guy at the stabby place can look at Max without losing an eye or his nose. I ike the people at the stabby place but Max thinks they are so evil that they should be called Stabby 666 Place. I don't get it but he thinks that's really funny. He's in a better mood today, he hasn't growled at me even once yet. He says the day isn't over yet, though.

Max is in a bad mood today. It's a really bad mood, a growly bad mood, and I'm not the only one who isn't happy with him. this morning he was growling at me and hitting me and the Mom told him to stop, so he jumped up on the rolly-ball table and was looking out the window and growled, and then the Mom tried to pet him and he growled at her, too. She bended over and asked "What's your problem today?" and he looked back at her and growled again! She told him to knock it off, so he growled some more. Then she thought maybe he didn't feel good, but then she caught him with some kitty crack and he was having a really good time. And when he saw me, he started growling again! I think he just likes to sound tough, and Mom says he better stop it with her because she's bigger than he is. Max says he doesn't care because she can't make him stop and he likes to growl. He better watch out because someday I might be bigger than him and I might growl back.

There was an alium in the house! I was in the room where the people watch the TV and the Dad was upstairs playing his computer and Max was in the kitchen and I heard a noise in the room that I'm not allowed in because the car sleeps there, so I went to see, and then the door opened and an ALIUM came in! I didn't run but I backed up and the alium reached out to try to touch me and it knew my name! I still didn't run but I backed up a bunch more and then went behind the chair and i saw Max and he came in and wanted to know what was wrong and I said there's an alium in the house! and he looked and said, "Oh yeah, I was pretty sure she was an alien." Then I peeked and the alium was gone and the Mom was standing there saying she was sorry. I don't know why she was sorry, because she showed up and the alium went away. Or maybe she killed it. She was holding its head in her hand!

Someone got a picture of it!

Isn't that scary?

Nobody told me it was a special day for the Mom! The Other Dad got her presents and made her pizza for dinner, and Max said his present was not hocking up a hairball on her pillow but I didn't know about it so I didn't have anything or her and all I could do was rub my nose on hers and make her laugh. Max says it doesn't matter cause I don't have a way to get her a present and she doesn't really want a lot of crap anyway but someone shoulda told me!!!

You know what? If you're outside on a leash in a harness and the Mom and the Dad are sitting there watching you and you wiggle out of the harness, they'll pick you up and take you inside and say "When you take off your harness, outside time is over." And then Max will say "Bite them. It's their stupid fault the harness wasn't tight enough." But all I want is to go outside and play, not bite anyone. But I don't like the harness. I tried biting it but that didn't help things any. I hope I get to go back outside today.

Oh! The Mom and the Dad put this thing outside the window where Max and I can see it and they said it's gonna make birds come visit! There's food for the birds in it and as soon as they find out that it's there, they're all going to come play in our yard and we can sit at the window and watch them and talk to them and invite them to come inside for dinner!

Max says I'm just gonna whiz myself the first time there's more than 3 birds out there but I don't think so. And even if I do I'm not the one who will have to clean it up. I'm going to go wait by the window and maybe the birds will come tonight!

William tagged me! I had a hard time thinking of 10 birds I think are beautiful. But I tried hard!

1. Chicken
2. Turkey
3. Baked chicken
4. Fried chicken
5. Shredded turkey
6. Chicken strips
7. Crunchy Chicken treats
8. Crok pot chicken
9. Crok pot turkey
10. Ham

Those are the most beautiful birds I can think of.

Oh. I had a bad, bad morning. It was going really good at first, I got the Dad up this morning by making him play bite-it with his hand, and then he fed me and Max and we watched TV and I helped him read the comics in the paper. But later on I was playing with the Mom. She was on the stairs on the landing place in the middle and I was upstairs by the railing so my head was higher than hers and she was taking her hand and waving it in front of me, trying to get me to swipe at it. Well. I was so busy watching her hand that I didn't see the sock that was rolled in a ball fly through the air. IT BIT ME ON THE BUTT!!! I swear! It came out of nowhere and bit my butt and I jumped so high I almost landed on the top of the Mom's desk, and then I knocked over the trash can.

The next thing I know the Mom and the Dad were laughing really really hard but they were also saying they were sorry. they should be! That was one of their socks that attacked me! Max says if they would put their crap away stuff like that wouldnt happen. Al I know is that I was having a good time, and then all the sudden I got so scared that I kight have lost one of my lives!

The Dad is impressed though because he says he never saw a kitty jump that high. And he was sorry. They were so sorry the sock bit my butt that they gave Max and me some treats. Since we hardly ever get any anymore, that was nice.

You should all watch out for rolled up socks. They are really MEAN.

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