The Adventures Of Buddah Pest

King of the run-on sentence...

Wait, what? You want ME to put the bookshelves together?


All right. I hope I get treats after this.


I'm tryin' I really am but this is HARD! The directions are written in IKEA and I don't speak that!!!

I'm trying!

That was hard work, really hard work...but it looks good, doesn't it?


OK, I don't think I like doing the m-word very much because it gets noisy and I get locked in a room with Max and then when we come out all our stuff is just GONE and even though we KNOW the Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad took it to a new place we have to look around JUST IN CASE, and then someone picks you up and shoves you into a PTU and before you know it BAM you're slinking around a really scary place that smells WRONG and nothing is where it's supposed to be, like the litterbox, which isn't by a Giant Litterbox anymore but it's by the washing machine, and that's just unpleasant.

The first night we were here I slept on the Dad and Max slept on the Mom but then then Dad had to go pass gas so Max said "you sleep on one side of her and I'll sleep on the other, and we'll get so close that the blankets will be really tight around her and she won't be able to move and that will be really funny!" so we did that and she couldn't move and it really was funny, but the next night I got onto the bed before he did and curled up on top of her and that made Max mad, and I thought THAT was funny, so I did it again the next night and now he's really pissy and grumpy, especially because I've also been sitting in the Mom's lap and he thinks it belongs to him, but I think it's First Come First Served and he can just bite me.

I'm not sure I like the new place yet because it still smells funny and there are noises I don't know and I can't find my toys or anything, but I did find the climbing trees and they're by a window we can see out of, but we still don't know where the Supreme Commander Kitty Tower is, and Max really wants that back but all I really want is for this place to feel like home and not all weird and stuff.

The Mom says that will take a while because she's very tired and isn't putting stuff away as fast as she'd like so the house is going to look like it barfed on itself for a while but until it looks good and I feel safe I can keep sleeping on her and sitting on her and I hope I feel safe soon because I just don't like feeling like this.

This is why I couldn't just jump on the next box to get the toy...

Why Buddah couldn't jump... wasn't a box to jump on, just some flat things that want to be boxes and I tried to balance on them before, but they hurt my feet, so I'm not a kitty disgrace I'm just BLOCKED from my toy.

I can see where my fevvur toy is...

I can see my feather toy

...but I don't know how to get to it.

See that thingy by the chair?

What the heck is that thingy?

I don't know what it is, but it moves back and forth and blows hot air and I don't trust it one bit so I'm keeping a close eye on it in case it does something bad, like spit fire or fart, on account of the Mom is sitting real close to it most of the time since it showed up, and someone has to go tell the Dad that she's on fire.

Yesterday I was upstairs and the Mom was downstairs and my tummy was just a little bit upset but it came on so fast I didn't have time to get downstairs where there is no white carpet just pretend-wood floors so I started horking and she called out "Who's throwing up?" but I couldn't answer because I was busy horking my breakfast up, and you'd think she would understand that because I've seen her hork her toenails up and it's not a pretty sight and I bet she couldn't talk then either, so when I didn't say "It's me, Buddah" she came up the stairs and saw that I had barfed up my deep dark brown breakfast all over the almost white carpet and I was afraid I was going to get in trouble but I didn't run because I'm a man cat now, I stood there and was willing to take whatever punishment I was gonna get for ruining the alost white carpet, but she didn't get mad she just said "Ohhh poor baby" and then she made the Dad clean it up because 1) kitty barfs makes her gag and 2) she's not stupid, so he cleaned it up and got the barf machine thingy out and put it on the spots where I horked, and pretty soon they were all gone but they both said it didn't matter on account of we're gonna do the m-word and the lady that owns the house won't own it by then, and who f$^#%@&g cares what the bank thinks.

I felt a whole lot better after I was done horking.

Happy New Year!

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