The Adventures Of Buddah Pest

This morning I was stalking Max while he was sleeping on the big bed and I was going to jump on him and make him mad and then run because that's always fun because his big belly goes FLOP FLOP FLOP when he runs, but right before I got to the jumping part the Mom walked in the room and she said "I don't think you should do that, Buddah," and I said "What?" and I started making biscuits on the fuzzy blanket so she would think I was just getting comfy but then she said, "I want you to be nice to Max," which was like a total bummer because I just don't get chances like this very often but I turned around and said "Ok" and she gave me head skritches and then left the room, so I could have jumped on him anyway but decided to lie down and take a nap and thought he would still be there when I woke up and he was but I totally forgot to jump on him!

Oh wow oh wow I haven't blogged in forever, like maybe 3 years or 7 months, but anytime I get a chance it's like I don't have anything to say or something else happens that I have to go look at and then I forget plus the Mom uses the computer to work and play Bookworm and that's all very very important, almost as important as all the walking she does and you know she went to Atlanta to walk for boobies with a bunch of people but she didn't bring me home a present. AND HER HAIR IS PINK!

Yo baby. Whatcha doin'?



Hahahahahaha!

Looky! I did get a birthday present!



It's my favorite kind of mousie! I thought only Santa brought these mousies but I got a new one from the Mom and the Dad and Max! The Mom said to try to not make it dead too fast because they're really really really hard to find but I don't know if I can stop that. Making a mousie dead is just what I do.

It's my birthday!!! I'm, um, :::counts::: SIX years old now! ALl I wanted for my birthday was to be able to get on the computer and say IT'S MY BIRTHDAY because I never get to get on it anymore on account of the Mom being all busy and all and Max hogging it when she's not using it, even though the Mom has like FIVE computers and she could turn one on for me but she never does because anyone under 15 shouldn't be surfing the internets without supervision but you know what? Phffffft.

Max even remembered my birthday! You know what he said to me this morning? WELCOME TO MIDDLE AGE, LOSER.

I didn't even know I was gonna get to go somewhere!

I think later I get crunchy treats and a present but don't know what it is yet because I have to wait for after dinner to get my presents because that's the way the Mom and the Dad roll. Max said to not hold my breath over getting anything good but I don't care, all I want is some crunchy treats and maybe a catnip toy because I killed my last two new ones and the mom said, "Oh geeze, can't you let them live longer than five minutes?" but no I don't think I can.

Oh! Oh! Oh! I finally get to come to blog and I can't think of anything to say because I haven't been thinking about it because I didn't know I was going to get to use the computer today but everyone should know that MAX HAS BEEN MEAN TO ME! He spitted at me! Just because I bit him!

Ha ha ha I keep knocking stuff off the Christmas tree and the Mom gets all "Oh you stop that!" so i wait until she's not looking and I do it again because it's a ton of fun and I don't think Santa will think I'm being bad or anything because I bet he thinks stuff like that is funny.

Last night I jumped up on the bed to sit on the Mom and purr on account of she feels like a giant blobby bruise and purring helps but then Max jumped up there and got really really mad because he says it's his job to purr on her when she's ouchy so i got down because he can lay still longer than I can but you know what he did? He got down just 20 minutes later! I could have stayed there that long! He SAID she had to get up to pee but I think he's just lazy.

Oh noes, I have to share this so other kitties don't make the same mistake I just did, but you have to know that the first rule of being all cute to get crunchy treats by head butts with the mom is DON'T BITE THE MOM'S HEAD and the second rule of being all cute to get crunchy treats by head butts with the mom is REALLY, DON'T BITE THE MOM'S HEAD because she really really really won't like it and you won't get anything but a poky finger wagged at you.

Oh you know what? last night there was real live fresh dead shrimp and a lot of the time I let Max have mine and I get crunchies instead but last night I ate mine and then Max jumped up on the counter because he assumed he was going to get mine, and all there was was a plate to lick and I don't think it made him very happy but I was laffin and laffin!

Oh! It's all cold outside and rainy and windy and the Dad keep saying how cold he is now when he never used to get cold and the Mom keeps saying "welcome to my world" and all I wanna know is why they just don't put warmer clothes on and curl up by the fire thingy because if they did that they wouldn't be cold and we wouldn't have to keep hearing about it!

There's a man here with a really loud sucky monster and he's taking the fireplace thingy apart and sucking its guts out and it he makes it stop working Max is going to be MAD!

LOOKY! The Mom and the Dad said we had rats and LOOKY!

I got one! It's black and fuzzy and funny enough it smells like Nip!

I flipped it over and was gonna nooter it, but it looks like the stabby guy got there first. That's ok. I'll make it dead instead.

This afternoon I chased the mom down the hall and meowed a lot and jumped and kinda danced a little bit and then meowed REALLY loud and she gave me treats! Now I know why Billy SweetFeets likes to DANCE DANCE DANCE!

Last night the evil introoder kitty that looks a lot like Victor Tabbycat came to visit and he knocked on the front window so I went to talk to him and then we ran around the house looking at each other through all the different windows and I was trying to get him to just sit still but then the Mom woke up and she came out and wanted to know what the (badword) was that noise I was making because it sounded like someone was trying to get in, but nope, it was just me.