The Adventures Of Buddah Pest

MAX PLAYED WITH ME YESTERDAY!!! And he was NICE, he didn't growl or hiss or bite me! We played Thundering Herd of Elephants and Tag You're It and Kitty Stalker. I wonder if he'll want to play again today...

Looky what the Mom and the Dad bringed brought home for me!

I forgot about grass it's been so long since I had some! And Max doesn't like it so it's all mine! I'm not supposed to eat so much that I throw up later, but I loves it so much I just might...

See?

I can lay on the table and I don't even get in any trouble. The Mom says "I'll just use lots of cleaner later." She sighs a lot when she says stuff like that. I don't know why. I take baths. I'm clean.

Sometimes, I snoopervise from up here. The Mom works down where I can see her.

It's a nice place to snoopervise from, but sometimes my head gets stuck.

Oh! Guess what I eated ate! I ATE WORMS! Two of them! The Mom was boiling them and took one out to see if it was done and I looked at it and she said "Want to try it?" so she dangled it in front of me and at first I thought I'd play with it but then I thought well it's already dead there's no fun in that, so I took a bite and I LIKED IT! When I gobbled it up she got another worm out and cooled it off and I ate that, too! I'm not sure I want to eat them the way the Mom does, because she covered a whole plateful of them in BLOOD. I didn't even know People liked to eat worms, but Max says they enjoy the delicate Basketti Worm on occasion, and that I'll probably get to try it again next week. He's too grossed out by all the blood to even try, I think. But they were very good!

You know when the Mom is bended over putting crunchy food in our dishes and you jump on her back, she sighs really hard and says "I am not amused" but Max says that's okay because we are amused, and that's all that matters.

Well today just was not the best day ever. This morning the Mom got upset because when she was giving Max his food I stuck my butt in her face because I THOUGHT she liked it but I guess not when she's feeding Max, and then later the door to the closet was open and I've always wanted to go in there but it's never open so I started to go in and she waved her poky finger and said "No, Buddah, we don't play in there" but I didn't need HER to play in there, just me, and besides I wasn't going to PLAY I was going to EXPLORE which is very different but she was piling up cases of fizzy water because it was on sale and she bought more than she can store in the kitchen so when she turned to pick one up I tried to sneak in there but she grabbed me and pulled me out and said, "No! It's not for kitties!" but I'm pretty sure it IS for kitties as evidenced by how badly I NEED to get in there!

Last night Max was downstairs and I was upstairs and he sat at the bottom of the stairs and kept calling out to me but I was sleepy so I was ignoring him but he really wanted to play Thundering Herd of Elephants so he kept yelling and I kept ignoring and every once in awhile the Mom would call out "Go find something to do Max," or "No one wants to play, Max" but he didn't want to give up so he kept meowing over and over and over and I kept ignoring over and over and over and finally the Mom got up and looked down the stairs and said "If you don't stop I am going to come down there and tie your tongue to your tail" and Max thought that sounded like fun because he didn't think she could catch him so he meowed again and you know what she did? She turned around and looked at me on the top of the tall climbing tower and said "Would it KILL you to answer him?" and I didn't know how to answer that so I stood up and showed her my butt. I think she likes that.

Oh noes...tonight Max dropped a huge bomb in the litter box and it was making everyone's eyes water so they left the house for a little while and when they came back it still was really bad and the Mom said "I swear, I'm going to stop feeding you two" and I think she might really mean it even though Max says she's just talking out her ass, though that's not where I heard it come from, I'm pretty sure it came out of her mouth and since there's not much crunchy food left in the dishes she might be serious.

Sometimes, when I don't know what to think, I sit in the corner by the closet door at the bottom of the stairs.

Most of the time I don't know what to think about the Mom not getting up and getting me a crunchy treat when I ask politely.

Sometimes I don't know what to think when Max won't be nice.

And sometimes I just don't know what to think, because thinking can be a very hard thing to do.

Today I sat in the corner because I didn't know what to think, and Max came down the stairs and said "Whatcha doin', Dorkus?" (I think he calls me that because he secretly likes me.)

But I didn't know. I said I might be very sad, and I didn't know what to think about that.

He said, "You gotta feel what you feel, even when it's being sad."

And then I said, "It feels like what happened to Monty's sister wasn't fair."

Max sat down and said, "What do we know of fair? I don't think it's fair when you get crunchy treats and I don't, but the People have their reasons. It's not that it's not fair...but it certainly does suck."

"You don't think it wasn't fair?"

"I think that it was horrible and that it hurts and that it sucks, and that it's a good thing you care enough to be sitting in a corner being all hurty."

"The Mom's eyes got all leaky and I think I wish I could get all leaky, too."

"People have that advantage," Max agreed. "They can be leaky because it helps get the suckiness out of them."

"Why can't we leak?" I asked him. "I want to feel better."

Max thought for a few seconds and then said, "I think our job is to take our own sadness and turn it into purrs, and then we jump up on the person who needs it the most, and we purr on them. That helps them when they don't feel good, and when they are very sad."

"If I purr for the Mom will I feel better?"

But Max didn't know. He said I might still feel all sad, but that a good purr couldn't hurt and would be worth a try. Then I asked him if purring on the Mom helped him feel not so sad, and he said "I have my ways of feeling better about things."

So I asked how he did that.

And that's when he sat on me.

---

I know everyone is praying for Monty's family and thinking them good thoughts and hugging them with their hearts. Purring helps, too. Max was right, I purred on the Mom and it helped her, and made me feel better too...

It's my box, but I'll let the newspapers stay there until they have to go to the recycling place.

Oh! And if there was a cookie for a prize, Karen Jo would get a big chocolate chip one on account of she guess what my drawing was! It's an egg! Max says it's a decent egg but I shouldn't give up my day job. That's ok, though, because I like holding papers down. Even newspapers.

Looky! The Mom and Max were working on his book and they were at the table drawing things and I jumped up and said "I want to help! Can I help?" and Max sucked in a deep breath and said "I suppose so" and then while they worked for hours and hours I worked for hours and hours and when I was done I had a picture and he's gonna use it in his book! Look!

Do you know what it is? Do you? Do you?

Guess!!!

Oh! Someone new came into my house today and said hi to me but then he said he wouldn't come closer because he didn't want to scare me and I looked kind of like I didn't want him to be there, but it wasn't that, it was just that I was surprised he was there at all since I never saw him before, and then he went other places in the house, clicking his flashy box, and then he left, and when he left the Mom and the Dad waited for his car to go away and they pulled out the Febreeze spray, because even though he was a nice guy he really did stink, and Max says that's because he sets his lollipops on fire and sucks on them, which seems like an odd kind of thing to do.

Max's job in the morning is to wake the Mom up and tell her it's time for breakfast and to get out of bed and take her opposable thumbs downstairs so someone can open a can of Stinky Goodness, but a couple of mornings this week I went in and did his job for him because it seems like a fun job to have, plus you sometimes learn fun new words, but this morning when I went in and said HEY GET UP! Max came in and told me to be quiet because it was too early to wake her up, and if you wake her up that early it's like asking the devil to do something--you might get what you want but you sure won't like the results. I told him it was light outside and I was hungry and it had been at least 5 sleeps since we had any good food but he said no, we kind of have a deal with the Mom, that we will let her sleep at least until it's time for the Regis guy to skwawk on the TV, but usually a little later on account of she's bassackwards and stays up pretty late but I said she wouldn't mind just this once and he started to say something else but she sat up and said WILL YOU TWO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE TO TALK? and then Max said "Well, once her eyeballs are visible it's all fair game" so he jumped on the bed and when she laid back down he put his head near her ear and went "Meow" every 2.2 seconds almost like a whisper until she finally said some of those fun words and got up and put her clothes on and did her drugs and stuff. But you know what? She didn't feed us! She sat down and read the paper and there was no Regis skwawking on the TV but then I found out it's Saturday and he sleeps in on Saturdays, too, so we had to wait until Regular Breakfast Time anyway, which was a big disappointment, and Max said to get used to it, because most of my life is gonna be that way.

I learned things this week.

• If you jump on Max and sink your teeth into his neck, the Mom gets upset, and if she sees you spit out a mouthful of Max fur she will pick it up and show it to you and say "this was mean!"
  
• She won't be any happier when you reach out and scratch her hand to show just how mean you can be.
  
• Max doesn't run from booming things outside or when a stranger comes into the house, but he runs from a tiny carpet cleaning thingy.
  
• Oh, and if you barf in the right place the Mom and the Dad won't see it for all day and then they have to use the tiny carpet cleaning thingy to clean it all up.
  
• The Mom forgets thing and I know this because she forgot what my sign in name was for my blog for days and days and days so I couldn't get on here to say anything.
  
• If you start to chew on a thingy sticking out of the wall, the Mom gets very excited and jumps out of bed and says "No! That will electrocute you!"
  
• I'm not sure what that means but it sounds exciting.
  
• People armpits smell interesting, but they don't taste very good.
  

Looky what Max got!

Max got this for his birthday and I don't think he likes it very much but I do and he said "knock yourself out" when I wanted to get in it and when the Mom said something about going for walks he said "It's all yours!" So I get Max's birthday present! Just for that I let him have all the birthday dinner, because that's all he really wanted anyway.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Max finally gotted to get in one of the hammocks, but look...

...he's so fat it goes all the way to the floor. I don't think he even realizes it!

Looky what we got!

It's some Forty Paws hammocks! And I got to them FIRST! Max wasn't in the room when the Mom put them together, so I got to pick which one I wanted before he did! And I think it made Max mad, because he wanted the red one but I got on it first and he doesn't like things that smell like me. So you know what I did? When he turned away, I got onto the other one and made it smell like me too! Ha ha ha ha ha I got both of them and he got NOTHING!

Hey! Max is in the paper today! He's almost famous now! And my name even got mentioned, that was fun! Max says there should be a celebration of some kind, with crunchy treats and Tuna, but I don't think the Mom is going to give us anything, at least not right now. Maybe she's planning on something for dessert tonight. I hope so, because we haven't had any Stinky Goodness in a very long time, and that would be a nice treat.

I went bananas!

A little box came in the mail and in it was two bananas, and instead of goopy stuff that we don't like, they're full of kitty crack! The Dad made me work for mine, but pretty soon I got it from him, and then you know what happened?



I got Max's banana, too! He walked away from it and I looked up and said "Can I have it?" and he didn't turn around or anything, so I got to play with both of them.

I might give it back to him later. If I can remember where I hid it.