The Adventures Of Buddah Pest

Ha ha ha ha ha! Max finally gotted to get in one of the hammocks, but look...

...he's so fat it goes all the way to the floor. I don't think he even realizes it!

Looky what we got!

It's some Forty Paws hammocks! And I got to them FIRST! Max wasn't in the room when the Mom put them together, so I got to pick which one I wanted before he did! And I think it made Max mad, because he wanted the red one but I got on it first and he doesn't like things that smell like me. So you know what I did? When he turned away, I got onto the other one and made it smell like me too! Ha ha ha ha ha I got both of them and he got NOTHING!

Hey! Max is in the paper today! He's almost famous now! And my name even got mentioned, that was fun! Max says there should be a celebration of some kind, with crunchy treats and Tuna, but I don't think the Mom is going to give us anything, at least not right now. Maybe she's planning on something for dessert tonight. I hope so, because we haven't had any Stinky Goodness in a very long time, and that would be a nice treat.

I went bananas!

A little box came in the mail and in it was two bananas, and instead of goopy stuff that we don't like, they're full of kitty crack! The Dad made me work for mine, but pretty soon I got it from him, and then you know what happened?



I got Max's banana, too! He walked away from it and I looked up and said "Can I have it?" and he didn't turn around or anything, so I got to play with both of them.

I might give it back to him later. If I can remember where I hid it.

Looky! I started out with a mouse that looked like one of these:

and when I was done playing, it looked like this:




As you can see, I worked very hard at making it dead:




And even Max had to come check it out, but he thought I had a crunchy treat, so he checked my breath to make sure he didn't get cheated out of one.



It was fun...but now I don't have a mousie because the Mom threw it away.

Oh Oh Oh! William tagged me for the 6 word memoir mememememe!

Here are the rules:
1) Write your own six word memoir.
2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.
6) Have fun!!

Ok, here's mine:

Not enough time to do everything!

Ok Max keeps saying that I cry when the Mom goes into the litterbox room when I'm peein' on account of I don't like being watched. Well I DON'T like being watched because that's just RUDE (but it's ok if I watch the Mom or the Dad because they have no shame) but I DON'T CRY! I just look at her and say "GET OUT!" and most of the time she says "I'm sorry" and she leaves but sometimes she says she's going to POP and she can't leave and I can't just STOP so I close my eyes and say "leaveleaveleaveleave" but she doesn't until we're both done and that's upsetting but I DON'T CRY. Max wants to talk about someone inner little girl, well HE WATCHES A SOAP OPERA! He does! He sits on the Woman's lap and watches General Hospital with her! And I think I heard him sniffle last week when some medium sticky person got shot in the head. He won't admit it but he did it!

I pushed Max down the stairs! I WINNED! I'm the big kitty now!!! I OWN HIM!!11!!!

Oh you know what? Today the Mom an the Dad stuck me inside a not very nice box and then took me outside, which would have been a lot more fun if I had a stroller like Skeezix, and then they put me and Max inside the box with the rolling wheels and they took us to the stabby place! I don't know why Max didn't warn me that was going to happen but a little before we went there the Mom shoved something in his mouth and said "OK, go to your happy place" and you know what he did? He got inside his plastic tomb without anyone making him and he was all sleepy and said "Doooooood...Ohhhhhhh...niiiiiiice" and the next thing I know we're going for a ride. We didn't get to see the bald guy even though Max said that's the stabby person that always shoves things up his butt, but we got to see a very nice lady who said I was a pretty boy and she loved my long tail and my pretty green eyes and I was thinking this was a nice place to go, but then she stabbed me. That was a disappointment, finding out she was a stabby person, too. After she was done stabbing me she said I was a very good boy, and I think I was because I didn't bite anyone even though I could have, and she told the Mom and the Dad that she wanted to leave Max in his tomb because she was going to need help with him and when the other lady picked up Max's tomb he said "Dooooood....I'm gonna pooooooop!" and he did! He pooped so they had to clean it up and then the lady stabbed him THREE times and looked in his ears and stuff the same way she did me, but the good thing all around was nothing got shoved up anyone's butt today. And she said I'm a very big boy, fifteen whole pounds, but I'm not fat and Max is 16 pounds but he is really fat and I thought that was funny but he must have been insulted because he peed in his tomb and I don't think he thought that one through because they didn't take him out of the tomb after he did that so he had to sit in his own pee until we got back into the box with the rolling wheels when the Mom put a towel in there so he wouldn't have to sit in pee. It wasn't all that bad but I'm glad we don't have to go back for a whole year. Well, Max might if his zits don't clear up, but I'm good for the year!

It's My Birthday!!!

I'm three years old!

The Mom and the Dad made me a kitty crack toy! You know the cartoom "Mutts" and the little pink sock that the mkitty on it ikes so much? I have one of my very own! Well, I really have TWO, but I'm going to let Max play with one on account of he's a crackhead and the socks are filled with really good nip!

This is what Max got for me! It's a sack and it goes crinkle, crinkle, crinkle when you get in it. I think it's going to be at least 15 kinds of fun, especially if we can figure out how to get it upstairs so we can play with it right by the Mom when she's sleeping.

Oh And there's going to be more! The Dad has SHRIMPS for us! I like shrimp a little bit so I'll eat a piece to be polite, but Max really like shrimp so it'll be really special for him.

Now that I'm 3, I think I'm a mancat. Right? Max says I'm a medium mancat but I think I'm all mancat now. Maybe he means I'm medium because he's so much fatter than me...? That must be it.

There are more pictures at the Mom's Flickr thingy. They didn't upload in order but she made a set and they're in order there. Go see!

Oh wow, I don't think Max has been this mad since the Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad brought me home...

We fixed the Mom! She felt really really bad and was trying to get her toenails to come up through her stomach and out her mouth so we took turns sitting on her and a little while ago I was sitting on her and Max came up and hit me in the head with his mighty paw and she said "You know what, guys, I feel much better now" so it worked! I'm glad it worked because I saw what she was doing to get her toenails to do that and it didn't look like any kind of fun, and it didn't even work! Her toenails are still on her toes! I don't know why she wanted to try that but Max says not to think about it to hard because it's a people thing and we'll never understand why they sometimes try to puke their toenails up. I still might purr on top of her tonight while she's asleep, just in case.

Oh No this morning I was in the bedroom and the Dad was asleep and I was just snooping around the floor and this THING fell off the bed onto my head and it scared me a little so I grabbed it with my claws and I bit it. I bite it really hard and then I heard the Dad say LOTS of bad words and when I looked up HIS HAND WAS LEAKING and he was really really mad at me so I ran away and hid from him because I was afraid he was going to bite me back but later he gave me crunchy treats so I don't think he was too mad but later the Mom said "If that gets infected we'll have to take you to the doctor" and Max said that was really bad because if that happens they're going to CUT HIS HAND OFF and if they cut his hand off how will he give me crunchy treats in the morning?

Everyone knows that the bed with the fuzzy blanket of the two long pillows is mine to nap on during the day even though Max sometimes gets up there too, but he doesn't take up much room so I don't mind, but it's mine and I count on it, so when I went to take a nap and the Mom was there hogging all the best places, well, that's when I jumped up and smacked her on the head with my paw four or five times and said "MOVE" but she just laughed and said "Sweetie, you can have the bed later" but that wasn't what I wanted to hear and it's NOT FAIR and I missed my nap!

I'm still very very busy because now I have a new job aside from being the Paper Holder Downer. You see, the Dad has this thing stuck to his face every night and it's called a See-Pap and Max says it's blowing lots and lots of air into the Dad and that if he doesn't blow some of it out he's going to just fill up with air and pop, so I decided I would make sure he blows some of the air out, so last night I walked across him lots of times because I knew if he woke up he would blow air out, and it worked! I walked across him a bajrillion times but he only woke up three times but that was enough and he didn't pop. So now I'm a Paper Holder Downer AND The Dad Holder Downer, plus tomorrow is Sit In The Box Day to make sure they don't take my special box outside with the other boxes and stuff. I think I should be a very tired kitty by now with all the work I have to do. All Max does is eat and sleep and lick himself and write, and that's not a whole lot, I don't think.

I know I haven't blogged in a long long time and I keep saying that but I've been very very busy because I have a job as the Paper Holder Downer and the Mom has had lots of papers for me to hold down, plus I have to spend a lot of time sitting in my special box to make sure no one throws it away but tonight is the night the Dad takes all the trash out and was in the box so he didn't take it, so I don't have to worry about anyone throwing my box away tonight, and Max says it's some kind of record for keeping a box because I've had it for like 2 years, or maybe a month, but it's been a long time and I'm very happy!

Seven Weird Things About Me On Account Of I Was Tagged By Mr Hendrix...

1. I know when it's eleven o'clock at night every night because that's when the Mom sticks herself with a needle and she gives us crunchy treats so that we won't help her so every night my tummy tells me to go to the kitchen at eleven o'clock so now the Mom knows when it's time for her to stick herself.


2. I don't like very much people food but sometimes if the Mom is having lunch and it smells really good I'll jump up on the table to see what it is and Max says "Doooood...no..." because that's against the rules but I'm cute so I don't get yelled at I just get picked up and out on the floor.


3. I am a very quiet kitty and I don't talk very much except at night when everyone is in bed and then I sometimes sit in the hallway and ask if someone will get up and play with me, but this doesn't always work out very well because Max will come out and throw me down the stairs.


4. During the day the big bed is mine and the Mom doesn't make it because she sleeps with two long body pillows and I like to sleep on the fuzzy blanket between the pillows, but the pillows have to be under the blanket, so she leaves it like that just for me.


5. Sometimes when the Mom or the Dad try to pet me, and I don't want to be petted, I bite, and I bite pretty hard. Max says I have to learn how to do a soft bite where I just put my teeth on the them without hurting anything so they know what I mean without me getting anyone mad, but I keep forgetting and I just chomp right on down.


6. I do not like it when I am in the litterbox and someone comes in and doesn't say "Excuse Me" and then leaves. I can't poop with an audience, so when it happens I close my eyes and try to pretend I'm alone but then they always say something and that just makes it hard. I need privacy!


7. I am not much of a lap cat, only sometimes for a few minutes at a time, but once in a while when the Mom is in bed and watching TV I will jump on the bed and stomp up her and plop down on her throat. She always says "Gee thanks" so I know she likes it. She also says "Just want I wanted, cat butt in my face" so I be sure to wiggle around until she has a good view of Spot #13. I try to not fart, though,because I did that once when I was on her throat and she was not happy...

I guess I'm not all that weird...

Max and I are very very mad at the Mom. We were upstairs being good and not picking on each other and sharing the bed without hissing or anything and we smelled something really good so Max said "Let's go see what it is" because when you're being good and you smell something good, it's probably a treat. But we got downstairs and the Mom said "No, this isn't for kitties" and she wouldn't even let us get close to the cookies she was taking out of the hot box. Kitties can have cookies, right? We were being good so we think we should each get a cookie of our own but the Mom is being very mean right now and SHE ate one RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!

Ohhhhh I know I've been a bad blogging kitty but first I was really busy playing with my new Christmas toys and then I losted the best ones and I was looking for them and I'm not sure where they are but the Dad says I probably knocked them under the china cabinet and he's probably right but I stuck my paw in as far as I could and I didn't feel them which makes me a little sad.

Then I was just too embarrassed because I was in the litter box and the Mom came in and she usually says "Excuse me!" and leaves so I can finish but this time she stayed and she used the people little box at the same time! I was so embarrassed and I wanted to finish in private but I couldn't just STOP so I closed my eyes and tried to pretend no one was watching but then she started talking to me so I couldn't pretend anymore, and well it was just humiliating.

And then I had these fun boxes and was playing with them a lot and the Dad said it was trash day and they had to go into recycling so I jumped in one so he couldn't take it and he took the other one and the Mom said "Sweetie, it's time for the box to go" but I didn't move so she looked up and said "Let him keep it one more week." Whew.

Oh, and tonight I got crunchies and Max didn't because the Mom was all stealthy and sneaked them to me while he was upstairs!

Hey, we got more presents!

The Grandma sent us a little stocking full of stuffs! And you see the little heart shaped mousie? You don't see it, but there's a green one just like it and it's my favorite! I played with it for two solid hours last night, took a nap, and then played with it some more. And this morning I played with it over and over and over again!

I am really glad now that Max took the Mom's plastic money so we could buy presents. We got the Grandma a couple of little fire thingies that smell like cinnamon and something else.

Max was even playing! There was a thingy on a string and he played with that a lot!

And then we got shrimp!