Oh No this morning I was in the bedroom and the Dad was asleep and I was just snooping around the floor and this THING fell off the bed onto my head and it scared me a little so I grabbed it with my claws and I bit it. I bite it really hard and then I heard the Dad say LOTS of bad words and when I looked up HIS HAND WAS LEAKING and he was really really mad at me so I ran away and hid from him because I was afraid he was going to bite me back but later he gave me crunchy treats so I don't think he was too mad but later the Mom said "If that gets infected we'll have to take you to the doctor" and Max said that was really bad because if that happens they're going to CUT HIS HAND OFF and if they cut his hand off how will he give me crunchy treats in the morning?
Everyone knows that the bed with the fuzzy blanket of the two long pillows is mine to nap on during the day even though Max sometimes gets up there too, but he doesn't take up much room so I don't mind, but it's mine and I count on it, so when I went to take a nap and the Mom was there hogging all the best places, well, that's when I jumped up and smacked her on the head with my paw four or five times and said "MOVE" but she just laughed and said "Sweetie, you can have the bed later" but that wasn't what I wanted to hear and it's NOT FAIR and I missed my nap!
I'm still very very busy because now I have a new job aside from being the Paper Holder Downer. You see, the Dad has this thing stuck to his face every night and it's called a See-Pap and Max says it's blowing lots and lots of air into the Dad and that if he doesn't blow some of it out he's going to just fill up with air and pop, so I decided I would make sure he blows some of the air out, so last night I walked across him lots of times because I knew if he woke up he would blow air out, and it worked! I walked across him a bajrillion times but he only woke up three times but that was enough and he didn't pop. So now I'm a Paper Holder Downer AND The Dad Holder Downer, plus tomorrow is Sit In The Box Day to make sure they don't take my special box outside with the other boxes and stuff. I think I should be a very tired kitty by now with all the work I have to do. All Max does is eat and sleep and lick himself and write, and that's not a whole lot, I don't think.
I know I haven't blogged in a long long time and I keep saying that but I've been very very busy because I have a job as the Paper Holder Downer and the Mom has had lots of papers for me to hold down, plus I have to spend a lot of time sitting in my special box to make sure no one throws it away but tonight is the night the Dad takes all the trash out and was in the box so he didn't take it, so I don't have to worry about anyone throwing my box away tonight, and Max says it's some kind of record for keeping a box because I've had it for like 2 years, or maybe a month, but it's been a long time and I'm very happy!
Seven Weird Things About Me On Account Of I Was Tagged By Mr Hendrix...
- I know when it's eleven o'clock at night every night because that's when the Mom sticks herself with a needle and she gives us crunchy treats so that we won't help her so every night my tummy tells me to go to the kitchen at eleven o'clock so now the Mom knows when it's time for her to stick herself.
- I don't like very much people food but sometimes if the Mom is having lunch and it smells really good I'll jump up on the table to see what it is and Max says "Doooood...no..." because that's against the rules but I'm cute so I don't get yelled at I just get picked up and out on the floor.
- I am a very quiet kitty and I don't talk very much except at night when everyone is in bed and then I sometimes sit in the hallway and ask if someone will get up and play with me, but this doesn't always work out very well because Max will come out and throw me down the stairs.
- During the day the big bed is mine and the Mom doesn't make it because she sleeps with two long body pillows and I like to sleep on the fuzzy blanket between the pillows, but the pillows have to be under the blanket, so she leaves it like that just for me.
- Sometimes when the Mom or the Dad try to pet me, and I don't want to be petted, I bite, and I bite pretty hard. Max says I have to learn how to do a soft bite where I just put my teeth on the them without hurting anything so they know what I mean without me getting anyone mad, but I keep forgetting and I just chomp right on down.
- I do not like it when I am in the litterbox and someone comes in and doesn't say "Excuse Me" and then leaves. I can't poop with an audience, so when it happens I close my eyes and try to pretend I'm alone but then they always say something and that just makes it hard. I need privacy!
- I am not much of a lap cat, only sometimes for a few minutes at a time, but once in a while when the Mom is in bed and watching TV I will jump on the bed and stomp up her and plop down on her throat. She always says "Gee thanks" so I know she likes it. She also says "Just want I wanted, cat butt in my face" so I be sure to wiggle around until she has a good view of Spot #13. I try to not fart, though,because I did that once when I was on her throat and she was not happy...
I guess I'm not all that weird...
Max and I are very very mad at the Mom. We were upstairs being good and not picking on each other and sharing the bed without hissing or anything and we smelled something really good so Max said "Let's go see what it is" because when you're being good and you smell something good, it's probably a treat. But we got downstairs and the Mom said "No, this isn't for kitties" and she wouldn't even let us get close to the cookies she was taking out of the hot box. Kitties can have cookies, right? We were being good so we think we should each get a cookie of our own but the Mom is being very mean right now and SHE ate one RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!
Ohhhhh I know I've been a bad blogging kitty but first I was really busy playing with my new Christmas toys and then I losted the best ones and I was looking for them and I'm not sure where they are but the Dad says I probably knocked them under the china cabinet and he's probably right but I stuck my paw in as far as I could and I didn't feel them which makes me a little sad.
Then I was just too embarrassed because I was in the litter box and the Mom came in and she usually says "Excuse me!" and leaves so I can finish but this time she stayed and she used the people little box at the same time! I was so embarrassed and I wanted to finish in private but I couldn't just STOP so I closed my eyes and tried to pretend no one was watching but then she started talking to me so I couldn't pretend anymore, and well it was just humiliating.
And then I had these fun boxes and was playing with them a lot and the Dad said it was trash day and they had to go into recycling so I jumped in one so he couldn't take it and he took the other one and the Mom said "Sweetie, it's time for the box to go" but I didn't move so she looked up and said "Let him keep it one more week." Whew.
Oh, and tonight I got crunchies and Max didn't because the Mom was all stealthy and sneaked them to me while he was upstairs!
Hey, we got more presents!
The Grandma sent us a little stocking full of stuffs! And you see the little heart shaped mousie? You don't see it, but there's a green one just like it and it's my favorite! I played with it for two solid hours last night, took a nap, and then played with it some more. And this morning I played with it over and over and over again!
I am really glad now that Max took the Mom's plastic money so we could buy presents. We got the Grandma a couple of little fire thingies that smell like cinnamon and something else.
Max was even playing! There was a thingy on a string and he played with that a lot!
And then we got shrimp!
santa came!
And he wasn't mad that I bit the Mom! Look what he gave me!
And it's just for me! I don't even have to share it with Max, on account of he has no claws!
Oh! And look at this!
He kissed me! He won't admit it, he says he was sniffin', BUT HE KISSED ME! I was gonna wash my face right after but I think that woulda been rude, especially on Christmas.
I hope everyone had a fun day!
Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no! I BIT THE MOM! And I didn't just nip I bit her REALLY HARD. I left a poky hole on her finger. She was really mad and wagged her finger at me, but now she seems not so mad, but what if Santa knows? Max says Santa sees it all so I'm screwed.
But that's ok, he doesn't know I laid in his bed before he did!
Oh oh oh you know what Max and me did? DON'T TELL THE MOM AND THE DAD! We were playing and Max jumped up on a chair and looked at the table with the lamp and said "LOOK!" so I looked and all there was was this little plastic card and I said "SO?" and Max said "That's...MONEY! It's like MONEY!" and I asked if he was going to buy kitty crack but he said "No...there's no one around and the laptop is open so we're gonna shop online!" And we did! We boughted presents for the Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad! BUT DON'T TELL THEM!!!! It's a surprise. Max says it's TWO surprises in one...first when they get their presents and then when the bill comes! We thinked about buying some crunchy treats and kitty crack and toy mousies and fevver thingies, but Max said Santa might think we were being greedy and then he wouldn't come on Christmas, so we didn't. But after Christmas, we know where the Mom keeps the plastic thingy, so we can go shopping again!
Oh I think the Mom is really really really mad at me. I was looking at this tall lamp near the climbing trees and the top of it looked like a good place for a kitty to curl up in and I figured if I jumped from the climbing tree to the top window ledge I could jump down into the lamp (Max says it's a torch-ee-air lamp) and take a nap in it...but when my front paws touched it, it started to tip over and I couldn't catch it and it went BOOM and the CRASH and the fun part where a kitty could nap broke into eleventy-million pieces.
After she cleaned all those pieces up she wagged the pointy finger at me and asked "what did you think you were doing?" but I couldn't answer because the wagging pointy finger means YOU'RE IN TROUBLE and I was so sad.
Max said to just go take a nap on her bed and she'd forget about it after a while, but I'm not so sure because I think she really liked that lamp.
Oh! Oh! Oh! We have eggsitment going on right now! There's a little girl kitty in the rumbly bike room and Max and I can hear her because she's LOUD when she's meowing. We don't get to see her and we probably won't ever get to meet her on account of the Mom says she's somebody else's kitty we just have to figure out whose, but the Mom says she's very very pretty and very very sweet. She won't tell what her true name is but I hear the Mom calling her "Sweet Girl" and "Baby Girl" through the door. Max says that's gross but he doesn't like being called sweet anything which is probably because he knows he's not sweet at all, but I like being called sweetie and I don't mind if the Mom calls the girl kitty sweetie, too.
Max says the Mom wants to find where the girl kitty lives because when they thought I was missing it hurt her heart really bad, and she hates the idea of someone else's heart hurting really bad, too. I kind of hope she finds the girl kitty's family and part of it is really selfish cause I don't think I want another kitty in here. I like being the baby, and the girl kitty is younger than me.
So please think good thoughts of FIND GIRL KITTY'S FAMILY so that everyone is happy!
Oh I think we're in trouble. Tonight the Mom filled our crunchy food dishes all the way to the top and said that would hold us all through tomorrow and then she sat down to play online so max and I decided to play Tag You're It and we were running and running and we ran from the front room toward the kitchen and we ran right into the food dishes and sent all that food flying all over the place! She was not happy, not at all because some of the food got in our water fountain and she had to get a slotted spoon to fish it out and then she had to get the broom to clean up all the crunchy food and when she was done she wagged the Pointy Finger and said CALM YOUR BUTT DOWN! Max said that was really really funny and totally worth it, but I think the Mom is mad and she might not fill the dish again tonight!
Oh! Today was Happy Turkey Day, but Max was sad all day, so when the Mom and the Dad came home and said there was Surprise Turkey from Auntie Marla I only ate a little bit and let Max have most of mine, so I guess today really was Happy Turkey Day, because Max was happy! Hahahaha!
I wish this was me!!!!
I tried gettin into a donutz box once but I got yelled at...
Will someone please make Max stop licking my head? I take baths all by myself now and I take a bath every day, sometimes twice a day and I don't NEED his help and he's really ticking me off but if I do anything about it he'll throw me down the stairs and I just don't bounce as good as I used to.
OHMYGOSH I GOT BACON TONIGHT!!!
