The Adventures Of Buddah Pest

=sigh=

I'm not talking to the wall. I'm talking to the front door, saying open, open, open because I want to go outside, only no one ever takes me outside, they just sit there and say "No, Buddah" or "Stop talking to the wall, Buddah" or "Is there a buggy there?" I never get to go outside and I want to because I can see it from the window and it looks like a lot of fun and I think I would have a goos time, but all I ever hear is NO.

I think I learned this before but I learned it again tonight. If you go into the giant litterbox room with the Mom, and she leans over to pick something up off the floor, it's not a good time to jump on her back and chew on her hair. Just so you know.

I'm a bad blogger, I know.

But I got a job!

I'm a Paper Holder Downer!

It doesn't pay anything but I get crunchy treats and I get to sit on the desk by the Mom.

It keeps me busy...but I'll try to be a better blogger, I promise!

A few days ago Max said "Sunday is Father's Day" and I wanted to know what that was and he said "It's when men get presents from their kids and sometimes women who are both mom and dad to their kids" and I said "Oh no! I don't have a present for the Dad!" and he said that was all right and that we weren't expected to get anything but I really really wanted to get him something and asked Max to give me some of his money and he sighed really hard and said "All right, we'll make the Woman go shopping. What do you want to get him?" but I didn't know so I asked Max what he would like and Max thought for a while and said, "Seedies. He would like a couple of seedies." So that's what we asked the Mom to get. Seedies! Well, Max got him something to watch on TV that he thought was good because the people on it use the F-word alot and Max thinks that's pretty funny, but that's just how Max is.

After the Dad woke up he got to open his presents and he really liked them and said he was going to make copies of his seedies! And then the Other Dad took him to the room where the rumbly bikes sleep to show him the present he got, it's this giant box to cook food on outside and it has a shiny cover so the birds won't poop on the food. He really really liked it. But I think he likes the seedies more because he wanted to make copies of them before he went to pass gas tonight. He didn't want to make copies of anything else.

Oh and you know what? You don't plant seedies to grow anything from them. I think all you do is make copies of them. If you keep making copies then you have lots of seedies, and if you have lots of seedies you win!

Oh! You know what? There's lots of bugs in the house! I keep finding them all over the place and they let me play with them as long as I want, but they get tired of playing before I do and curl up into little balls and don't move anymore. I try to get them to play more by batting them around on the floor, but they just won't get out of the ball. So I eat them. Max says it's rude to eat the things you play with, but I can't help myself. Plus, they're tasty.

Buddah's Photo Essay

This is the Dad. He had a funny blue dangly thingy he tried to get me to play with.



I've never seen this kind of thingy before!



It kept moving and I wasn't sure I wanted to catch it.



I decided to jump into the cube, just in case. Max even runned away right after this.



Since I couldn't figure it out, I decided to just hide until it went away.



It went away, so I winned!

Dona Nobis Pacem

Last night when the Mom went to bed I jumped up on the bed and she growled at me! I was on her legs and she made a grrrr noise and it scared me so I backed up onto her feet and she made it again and then said "Oh! Sweetie, I'm sorry, I was just playing!" on account of she could feel me tremble a tiny little bit, so when she said "awwwww," I walked up and sat on her chest and put my nose on hers--because you know when you do that, when you put your nose on a people's nose they can hear what you're thinking--and I thinked That was not nice. Please don't do that again and she rubbed the top of my head and said "I'm sorry. I promise I won't do that again," so I thinked all right...I'm going to plop down on you now and you're not allowed to move and I did, I plopped right down on top of her and she didn't move for a long long time, not until I decided I wanted to play in the closet.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

The Dad put a thingy out the window for the birds!

They get to eat food there and I get to watch them!

But you know what? I can't get to them, and I keep hitting my head on the window 'cause I keep trying to chase them.

Max says I'm never gonna get one, but I keep forgetting that...

This looks like moving, doesn't it?

It looked like moving to me, and I got upset and had to look away from everything and look out the window instead.

I mean, when a bed and clothes and everything get moved from upstairs, that means moving. And I don't want to move. But Max didn't get upset, he just curled up on the climbing tower and took a nap and told me to stop worrying so much. The Mom's stuff was coming downstairs and the Other Dad's stuff was going upstairs because the Mom has trouble with stairs.

They took a bed upstairs so I guess it evens out and means we're not moving. But I stil don't like it.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

There's a new kitty in the house! I don't know his name yet or even if it's a boy kitty but he's very quiet and he wears glasses and he didn't get mad when I licked his ear like Max would. He just sat there and let me check him out, and was very nice about the whole thing.

I thought he might want to play, so I went and got him a toy mousie. I think he's kind of shy because he didn't seem to want to play with it yet but I think he might later. So I plopped down to keep him compnay for a while. Max doesn't like him, but who's surprised by that???

See where I am on top on the Supreme Commander Kitty Tower? And see right next to the picture that's hanging on the wall, the wall cutout place where I like to sit and watch people? I scared the Mom by jumping from the tower all the way to the wall cutout place! It's like jumping around a corner and my foor brushed the picture, but I made it and she went =GASP!!!= and now the Mom and the Dad think they need to move the picture because they know I'm going to do it again and they don't want to break the picture because the Dad made that all by himself with a needle and some stuff called floss and they don't want it broken.

Oh! And you see the Lady Rabbit there, too? It hides the sucky monster. I killed it. Now its head just flops to the side. It still hides the sucky monster, but it doesn't look happy about it.

Monty and William and Zippy, Sadie and Speedy and The Furry Kids and Edsel all tagged me for the 7 things memememe! I hope just 7 is enough and I don't have to do 7 for everyone who tagged me, cause I don't think I can count that high yet.

Ok. Seven Things About Buddah.

1. When I was a tiny baby kitty I was in this place that wanted to send me to the Rainbow Bridge but then someone from the Espeeceeay came, I think it was Superman, and said "Never fear, I will save you!" and he did. He saved me and my brothers and sisters and other kitties and took us to the Espeeceeay and found our forever homes for us. I was sick and no one knew it and I made Max sick and he almost died, and he still holds that against me.

2. I'm not a lap kitty even though I am very affectionate and need lots of hugs and kisses every day. I jump on the Mom for Commando Cuddling and then I run off to play with something else. She thinks there's a bug up my butt making me do that, but I've looked and I can't find it.

3. I know when it's 11 o'clock at night even though I can't read a clock, and I tell the Mom it's time for crunchy snack, and she gets me and Max a little bit of crunchy food, and I get a little more than Max because he's fat and I'm not.

4. I can open the closet doors and the Mom is very proud of that because it means I can keep myself amused all night long while she's busy sleeping and not paying attention to me.

5. Buddah is my real name and it's not spelled wrong even though there was a famous guy named Buddha but I have lots of other names, too. I'm Little Man, sweetie, sweet pea, sweet cheeks, fluffball, babycakes, pumpkin, pretty boy, and No No No Stop That.

6. I like very high places and this house has lots of them, and the best part is that I can get to them but Max can't.

7. Max isn't the only kitty in this house with a job. He's a writer, but *I'm* the Snoopervisor, and the Mom and the Dad need me to make sure things get done, and I take my job very seriously. I don't make money like Max does but that's ok, because if I need any, I just ask him and he finds a way to get me what I want. Even though he doesn't like me.

I did it! That's seven! I can't tag anyone cause think everykitty on the planet has already been tagged.

Oh! I learned something this morning. I learned that if the Mom is sitting in the bathroom and she leans over to pick something off the floor, that's not a good time to jump onto her back. Well, it's a fun time but not a good one. At least not for her.

Oh, you know what? Yesterday I was really really hungry even thoughy I got a whole can of Stinky Goodness for breakfast and I kept telling the Mom I needed something to eat but she kept saying "You just ate, sweetpea" and I said "I didn't eat a sweet pea, I ate Stinky Goodness!" So then I jumped onto her lap and rubbed my head on her and she picked me up and said "Your tummy is actually growling!" and I said "I know!" so she sneaked crunchy food into the bathroom and let me eat a little bit. But Max heard and he was outside the bathroom banging on the door saying "LET ME IN! I want food too!" but when I was done eating the Mom opened the door and acted like I didn't get extra food when Max didn't. She sneaked the food container back out so Max was looking at the empty bowl and wanted to know why I had my bowl in the bathroom and why was my tag pinging on it when there was no food there but then the Mom came back and picked him up and said "Sorry, Big Guy, but it's just an empty bowl" and she took him to the climbing tree and rubbed his head and made him forget he might have missed a snack in the bathroom.

The Dad couldn't find the thingy he wears on his arm that tells him what time it is for 2 days so he borrowed the mom's time thingy because she didn't need it since Max always tells her when it's time to feed the kitties, and he looked and looked for his time thingy and yesterday he found it under the bed and it had some little toothy marks on it, and you know what? They think I was playing with it! Max is the one who likes to treat things to a toothy death so I don't know why they think it was me, even though I like to play with thingies and carry them around in my mouth and sometimes leave them under a bed and the time thingy didn't have a toothy death, just a couple of pokey marks. No one was mad so I guess it's okay they think it was me, especially since it was.

Today I snoopervised while the Mom was getting dust off the big thingy with the TV in it and she said I was doing a very good job, so I tried to help more and move the cloth for her but she said that wasn't being helpful, so I grabbed it with my claws and ran away with it. She sighed real hard and said "well I guess that means I'm done" and I thought yep, now you're done so you can come play with me, but then she got out the sucky monster and made lots of noise. I didn't like that but I snoopervised anyway. She did a very good job and I think she deserved a crunchy treat, but she didn't get one, she just opened a can of that fizzy stuff she likes to drink instead. I would have liked a crunchy treat...

Last night I found a little ball on the floor and I pushed it with my paw and it made a tinkling sound, like jingle jingle jingle so I started rolling it around and it got really loud! Then the Mom got up and said "What are you doing? It's the middle of the night." I didn't say anything, I just showed her the ball I found and how good it rolls and jingles, and then she sighed really hard and went back to bed. When I got tired of that I looked out the back door and there was a kitty out there, and he went to the side of the house so I jumped on the kitchen counter and tried to look at him out the window there but the shade thingy was down so I had to hit it and stick my head through the slats and then the Mom came downstairs and said "What are you doing now?" but she saw my head in the slats and muttered something not nice but she opened it for me so I could see out but by then the kitty was gone so I got down and she said "You're taking lessons from Max, aren't you?" Then she went back to bed again and I decided that was a good time to run up and down the stairs and play Thundering Herd Of Elephants. Max decided to play, too! But I don't think the Mom appreciated that we were playing together, because I heard her say something about duct tape and furry little butts...

Max and I have a new game! It's called Thundering Herd Of Elephants and it can only be played at 2 in the morning because Max says that's when the game is the most fun and the most loud, and the whole goal of Thundering Herd Of Elephants is to run as fast as you and and be as loud as you can just using only your paws! To play, you have to start at the bottom of the stairs and run up, then down the hallway, then into the Mom's office where you tag the climbing trees so hard they go THUNK on the wall, then you run back down the hall and the stairs and do it all over again until the Mom gets up and says "Holy crap, you two sound like a thundering herd of elephants!" And then maybe she says she's going to duct tape your little paws together but she doesn't really mean it. Then you stop until she goes back to bed, after that you can do it all over again. Max says the more kitties who play this the better it is, so if you have lots of kitties in your family you should do this with all of them. It's terrific fun!