The Adventures Of Buddah Pest

Don't tell Max!

But I took a nap in his bed! Hehehehehehe.

Looky! Can you believe the Mom was gonna throw this away???

I sat on it and claimed it, so now I get to keep it.

Looky! Looky! Hell froze over! We have proof!

Our butts are almost touching!

Looky! The Mom made the fire thingy go!

I sat in front of it for a long time, until I was all toasty and warm and had to go find something to play with, and that was fun because the Mom gave me a twist tie that she made into a loop so that I wouldn't accidentally swallow it and I batted that around for a long long time, an look, we have a new rug and it's lots of fun to roll around on because it's softer than the floor.

Looky, the Mom was rubbing yellow on the walls and I snoopervised to make sure it got done right.

I got a little on my tail a few days ago, but it's all gone now so it's okay, but it would have been nice if she's told me that the walls were wet and the stuff would come off if I flicked my tail on one.

Oh man yesterday I had a tummy ache and I barfed all over the place and didn't want to eat when the Dad gave us Stinky Goodness in the morning and I didn't even want crunchy treats...all I wanted was to curl up on the comfy chair and sleep so he let me go curl up and I stayed there all day long until the Mom was making herself some lunch at 2 o'clock and then I wanted a crunchy treat so she let me eat one and then let me eat a bunch, but she didn't try to make me eat anything else, she just petted me and groped my ears and said "You're a little warm there, Little Man" and later the Dad tried to give me tuna water but I didn't want it, but when it was time for the Mom to open a can at 9 I wanted some and ate half, and this morning I ate almost a whole can so I think i feel a little better.

Oh no! Today was a horrible day and even though the horrible is over I can still smell it all over the house and it smells like woofy and I got to see the woofy because the Mom picked me up and showed me to him while the Other Dad held him and I was not happy but I didn't cry, not until I saw this:

He sat in my special spot and the Other Dad was sitting on the Gizzy and I think they let the woofy sit on the Gizzy too because I can smell him all over it and I don't know what I'll do because I don't think I'll ever get over this and then I heard the Mom and the Dad say that the woofy is coming back soon and he's staying for 4 whole days and they won't be here to protect me and I think the Other Dad will but the woofy might eat me.

Max says the new gizzy is his...

...but I got on it anyway.

And look where he got stuck sitting!





Hahahahahahaha!

OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!!!!

I'M FAMOUSER THAN MAX!!!

Looky! I'm in the September issue of Reader's Digest! On page 113!



They didn't spell it exactly right but that's okay because it's ME and IT'S NOT MAX!!!

Looky! I got a new box!

The Mom thinks it's funny but I dunno why.

And her friend in Wiskeronsin sended me some duckies!



The Mom says they were for her but I don't think so. What's she gonna do with duckies? I knew as soon as she opened the package they were for me and I tried very hard to tell her that and it took her a while to realize they were perfect for Buddah.

I tried to nom one



but it doesn't taste like chicken, oh no...

What to do on a hot afternoon:

This morning I wanted to play Thundering Herd of Elephants but Max was busy trying to get the Mom to get her lazy butt outta bed and I was disappointed but he said to go ahead and play with myself, because there's nothing wrong with that, so I did! I ran up and down the hall and made my feets thunder as loud as they could and you know what!? There was a blanket in the hall because someone left it there after they changed the sheets and I think they forgot about it because it's been there for like forever, and when I was running I jumped on it and I surfed down the hall on it! That was great fun! When the Mom got up she went into her litter box room and I was gonna play for a little bit longer while I waited for her to come out and open cans of Stinky Goodness but then I thought I better go make room for it so i went to my litter box and then when the Mom came out of her litter box room she said "Oh my god Buddah! hat crawled up in your a$$ and died???" but I couldn't answer her because I never saw anything go anywhere near my butt, and I sure didn't feel it crawl inside.

I have been very very very busy helping the Mom work lately. Here I am telling her that it's time to get back to work:

She says I'm being very helpful while I lie on her desk and block her view of the monitor, which I think is a good thing because I'm trying hard to be helpful, and sometimes I even touch the ENTER key on the keyboard for her which creates new and interesting paragraphs and she's very polite because she always says, "Gee, thanks for that."

My job would be easier if she would clean all the krap off her desk but I don't think that's ever going to happen because there's a lot of it and if she stopped to clean it up she might never get any work done.

Oh, oh, oh! Last night the Mom was sleepin' on her stomach and I wanted to sleep on the bed with her so I jumped up there but Max was already there at the foot of the bed and he really doesn't like it when I get up there but I figured the Mom was there so it was all right, and I tried to crawl on top of her and curl up where it was safe, but Max decided he wanted to do that too, and we both wanted to sleep on her squishy butt, so we would up having a fight right there on her asterisk!

She was not happy about it and chased us both off the bed so I didn't get to sleep with her but the good news is that neither did Max!

Oh, you know what? When I bit the Mom the other day I left pokey holes, four of them, and the next day she looked and one was a little red and had a zit like thingy on it, so she popped it and then she cleaned everything out really really well and it looks all better now but I still don't know why I did it and last night when we were on the bed together and I was close to her face she was a little bit afraid that I was gonna do it again, but to her nose.

Look! The Mom got me a new blog layout thingy and this one is really pretty and she says it fits my whimsy better, but I dunno about that because no one has ever tried to measure my whimsy and I'm not sure I'd let the because I don't know what that is, and it sounds kinda like it might have something to do with my missing hoo-has.

She's gonna add a blogroll for me later because the one I used to have was really outdated and there are lots of new kitties but she can't just import one like it was french wine or whatever that means, so she has to do it by hand and says that will have to wait for a time when she's either really bored or stoned out of her mind. Max says he hopes for the latter, so please start chucking rocks at her.

(Oh and pee ess, comments are now above posts instead of below and that's kinda confusing I guess...)

Oh you know what I did yesterday? I bit the Mom on the arm and I left 4 pokey holes and she is NOT happy with me, and she said bad words and wanted to know WHY I bited her because she was just sitting here and I jumped in her lap like I wanted to be petted but I chomped down on her arm like it was a crunchy treat but I couldn't tell her why because I DON'T KNOW!

I know it's been a very very very very very very very long time since I blogged but the Mom has been hogging the computers, all of them, and when she takes a break Max is all OH NO YOU DON'T if I try to go near one because he thinks he's, like, special or something and that all the kitties want to her from him, so I never ever ever get a chance but sometimes no one is using the computers but there are things outside the window to look at and get excited about, like this GIANT bluejay that was in the front yard, and I was looking out my special screen door and it was YELLING at me like HA HA HA HA I'M OUTSIDE AND YOU'RE NOT and I thought that was very rude and he doesn't know that if someone would open the door I would EAT him.

Look at this ! Look Looko Look!!!

This thing keeps wandering around the house and it already has the Dad and I'm pretty sure if it catches me IT'S GOING TO EAT ME! So far I've stayed way way away from it but the Dad keeps saying "It's just me, Buddah" but I know better that thing is eating him and it wants me too! Max keeps going near it but it doesn't seem to move much when he's near it so I don't think it wants an old flabby kitty to snack on, it just wants a tender young JOOSY kitty! IT'S LIKE A VISHUS DEER!!! I think I'm going to stay on top of the climbing tower because it can't get me up there.

I am really really really going to miss the Dad when it's done eating him.

LOOKY!

The Grandma came she she gave us treats, and we ate them right out of her hand and I've never done that before, probably because the Mom and the Dad just plunk them down on the counter and expect us to eat them that way, but this was pretty cool and I think we should try it again! In fact, the Dad is at the store buying more treats so maybe we'll get some later!

I've been very very busy playing with my new mousies and playing Thundering Herd of Elephants (mostly by myself because Max likes to sleep a lot) and making the Mom pick me up and give me cuddles. I do that because she thinks it's cute when I want to be picked up and I put my head on her shoulder and get kisses and sooner or later she's going to think it's so cute that she'll give me crunchy treats. But a lot of what I do is try to get her to open the door so I can look through the see through door.

The Mom says it's called a "security door" and it's not like a regular screen door because it's got a heavy mesh thingy instead of screen and the frame is metal and it has those metal bars and it takes a lot to get it open if it's locked. She also says that we didn't need the security so much as they needed to keep my Claws of Doom from destroying a screen door because they're pretty sure that eventually I'll try to climb it or there will be an outside kitty that makes me want to rip my way to freedom so I can visit. But you see that window by the door? The Mom keeps the shade thingy open a little so we can see out it when the door is closed, and there are like THREE outside kitties that keep coming up and looking in! I get very excited and the Mom thinks it's really funny because the outside cats just sit there and look inside. I hope they don't actually want to come inside because I don't know what I'd do, except maybe pee on the floor a little.

Oh! Guys guys guys! Max really DID remember my birthday and he got me a present. Two presents!

He got me TWO mousies!



My favorite is the brown one. I played with it ALOT.
But you see the door behind me?



It's for me!
It's a special see-through door that can survive my Claws of Doom!
Plus, it means bad people have to stay out.



But it also keeps kitties IN.

There was HAM! for dinner but I don't like people food much, so I let Max have mine because he likes it A LOT and the Mom gave me a WHOLE BUNCH of crunchy treats! And I got the BEST PLACE to nap on the big bed ALL DAY LONG!

I had a very, very good birthday.

Being 4 ROCKS!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

I'M FOUR YEARS OLD!!!

And you know what? Because Max is almost 8 now, he's TWICE as old as me! Hahahahahaha. But even though I keep making fun of him he says he still got me a present, but I hafta wait until the Dad wakes up before I get it. But I have A LOT to do today so that's ok!

I'll show you pictures of my presents later! Right now I have to be like Billy Sweet Feets and PLAY!PLAY!PLAY!

There is a lot to do in the new house, and this is just one of the things:

I have lots of places to climb and jump, and the floor here is really cool because there's a lot of it and I can run and slide all over the place, and then when I'm tired I can go nap on the big long pillows on the People Bed, and then I start everything all over again. Max says watching me makes him very tired and that I should slow down a little because I'm gonna be 4 years old soon, but just because Max was a flabby sleepy blob when he was 4 that doesn't mean I have to be so I'm gonna keep running and sliding and having fun with the new house even when it isn't new anymore. So there.

Don't tell Max...

\

...I got in his bed to soak up the warm.

I asked Max what he was doing, but he couldn't understand me with the mousie in my mouth.

So I played fetch with the Dad for a little bit, and then plopped down.



Pretty soon, I'm gonna make it all dead.

Looky!

I found a way up there first! Max hasn't even been this high!

Wait, what? You want ME to put the bookshelves together?

All right. I hope I get treats after this.




I'm tryin' I really am but this is HARD! The directions are written in IKEA and I don't speak that!!!




That was hard work, really hard work...but it looks good, doesn't it?

OK, I don't think I like doing the m-word very much because it gets noisy and I get locked in a room with Max and then when we come out all our stuff is just GONE and even though we KNOW the Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad took it to a new place we have to look around JUST IN CASE, and then someone picks you up and shoves you into a PTU and before you know it BAM you're slinking around a really scary place that smells WRONG and nothing is where it's supposed to be, like the litterbox, which isn't by a Giant Litterbox anymore but it's by the washing machine, and that's just unpleasant.

The first night we were here I slept on the Dad and Max slept on the Mom but then then Dad had to go pass gas so Max said "you sleep on one side of her and I'll sleep on the other, and we'll get so close that the blankets will be really tight around her and she won't be able to move and that will be really funny!" so we did that and she couldn't move and it really was funny, but the next night I got onto the bed before he did and curled up on top of her and that made Max mad, and I thought THAT was funny, so I did it again the next night and now he's really pissy and grumpy, especially because I've also been sitting in the Mom's lap and he thinks it belongs to him, but I think it's First Come First Served and he can just bite me.

I'm not sure I like the new place yet because it still smells funny and there are noises I don't know and I can't find my toys or anything, but I did find the climbing trees and they're by a window we can see out of, but we still don't know where the Supreme Commander Kitty Tower is, and Max really wants that back but all I really want is for this place to feel like home and not all weird and stuff.

The Mom says that will take a while because she's very tired and isn't putting stuff away as fast as she'd like so the house is going to look like it barfed on itself for a while but until it looks good and I feel safe I can keep sleeping on her and sitting on her and I hope I feel safe soon because I just don't like feeling like this.

This is why I couldn't just jump on the next box to get the toy...

...it wasn't a box to jump on, just some flat things that want to be boxes and I tried to balance on them before, but they hurt my feet, so I'm not a kitty disgrace I'm just BLOCKED from my toy.

I can see where my fevvur toy is...

...but I don't know how to get to it.

See that thingy by the chair?

I don't know what it is, but it moves back and forth and blows hot air and I don't trust it one bit so I'm keeping a close eye on it in case it does something bad, like spit fire or fart, on account of the Mom is sitting real close to it most of the time since it showed up, and someone has to go tell the Dad that she's on fire.

Yesterday I was upstairs and the Mom was downstairs and my tummy was just a little bit upset but it came on so fast I didn't have time to get downstairs where there is no white carpet just pretend-wood floors so I started horking and she called out "Who's throwing up?" but I couldn't answer because I was busy horking my breakfast up, and you'd think she would understand that because I've seen her hork her toenails up and it's not a pretty sight and I bet she couldn't talk then either, so when I didn't say "It's me, Buddah" she came up the stairs and saw that I had barfed up my deep dark brown breakfast all over the almost white carpet and I was afraid I was going to get in trouble but I didn't run because I'm a man cat now, I stood there and was willing to take whatever punishment I was gonna get for ruining the alost white carpet, but she didn't get mad she just said "Ohhh poor baby" and then she made the Dad clean it up because 1) kitty barfs makes her gag and 2) she's not stupid, so he cleaned it up and got the barf machine thingy out and put it on the spots where I horked, and pretty soon they were all gone but they both said it didn't matter on account of we're gonna do the m-word and the lady that owns the house won't own it by then, and who f$^#%@&g cares what the bank thinks.

I felt a whole lot better after I was done horking.

Happy New Year!

Looky looky looky! I MET A WOOFIE TODAY!!!

Well, at first I wasn't sure what I was seeing but Max ran past me really fast so I figured I better go see.

From the back, it didn't look too bad.




So I sneaked up but he turned around, and there we were NOSE TO NOSE!



Then I realized IT'S A WOOFY!!!

I'm sorry but I stopped being brave then and when I realized it was a woofy I ran upstairs with Max and figured it was pretty safe because there were boxes in front of the stairs and he didn't look big enough to get over them, but still...I MET A WOOFY!!!

That was very exciting, in a I don't want to do that again kind of way.

Oh wow I have not written anything in a very long time but I didn't mean to go so long and I can't even say it's because the Mom was using the computer or Max was working on his book or anything like that because I just didn't think about it, probably because I've been doing so many things lately, like snoopervising the Dad while he put books in boxes and snoopervising the Mom while she makes stuff in the kitchen, and snoopervising Max while he does whatever it is he does, and sometimes I'm not really sure what that is but it involves a lot of licking things that the Mom thinks is rude.

Yesterday there was excitement in the morning because the Dad came home from passing gas and he was having his breakfast and I jumped up on the table even though I'm not supposed to when someone is eating and I tried to get a really good look at it and he said "It's Cornflakes. You don't like Cornflakes" but then he thought about it and decided he didn't really KNOW if I liked Cornflakes or not because no one has ever given me any, so he got a couple out of the box and you know what? CORNFLAKES ARE AWESOME!!! I liked them very much and he let me eat just a couple and later on when he was awake he told the Mom "Buddah likes Cornflakes" so she got the box and got me a big flake and set it on the counter where I was sitting because it's okay for me to be on the counters on account of I'm so cute, and I scarfed it right down and she said "That's so funny!" but I didn't think it was funny, I thought it was TASTY.

And you know what the best part is? MAX DIDN'T GET ANY!!! Hahahahahaha!

Look Look Look!!!

The Mom had a little cimummum donut and I jumped on her lap to see what she had because it smelled good and once I got a good whiff I knew I wanted some because she let me have a tiny bite before so I just stuck my face up there and started licking and she didn't yell at me, she let me lick! I did A LOT of licking until Max came in and then I jumped down because he thinks he owns all the donuts in the house and he woulda gotten mad if he knew I got to the donut first BUT I GOT IT FIRST!!! We shared later but he got to lick a little all by himself for a minute, too, and then we licked it together and we even got to take a couple a bites!

OHMYGOSH GUESS WHAT GUESSWHAT??!? I'M FAMOUS!!!! Maybe more famous than Max because a whole buncha people emailed Max to tell him about a newsletter that talked about ME and my UNUSAL NAMe and no one has ever done that about Max because his name is like COMMON and there's nothing special about it but there's no one else named Buddah Pest, and the people who write the newsletter for Petplace.com know all about me or at least about my name and it's the most unusual one out there, and I know that because it says so in the box at the top of the newsletter!

I couldn't figure out how to put the newsletter in here so I got the mom to take screen shots and she split it into 3 pictures and I'm going to show you little ones that you probably can't read but you can click on them and she really bigs ones that you can read and you can see how famous I am!

Max says to enjoy it cause it only lasts 15 minutes but that's okay because for once people know about ME!!!

Thank you everyone who emaled Max and told him and some of you emailed the Mom and told her so now they know I'm not making it up! I am very excited!!!

Hmmm...it's been a long time since I got to blog, but either the Mom is using the computer to make other people cry or Max is working on his book or they're both blogging and I just don't get the chance, but Max is done with his book and he's done saying bad words to the editor so I get a chance to use the computer. The Mom us still making people cry but she says she's not trying to be mean she's just "helping" them with books that they're trying to write but I don't think making people cry is being a very big help. I've been very busy too so I don't know that I would have had much time to sit down and write something because I have a very important job being the paper holder downer and Max needed me to hold his papers down while he worked plus the windows have been open a lot lately and when I get lots of fresh air bugs crawl up my butt and make me run around a lot, but it must not bad kinds of bugs even though the Mom keeps saying she's going to get a giant pair of tweezers and pull the bugs out because she hasn't done that and I think if they were bad bugs she probably would. I'm glad they aren't bad bugs because I'm thinking that might hurt a little bit.

Looky! The Mom had a WHOLE BOWL full of these and she gave one each to me and Max and we got to roll them around on the floor but then mine got all icky and she threw it away and I wanted another one and she said no, the rest were hers. Well that hurt my feelings because she had like a THOUSAND of them or maybe five, but she coulda shared, but she didn't want to so Max rolled his toward me and told her "Silly Wabbit, Trix are for kitties!"











hehehehehehehe...but we really did get to play with some...

You know what? We have a big floppy comfy chair in the room with the box that sometimes has cats on it but mostly Max watches General Hospital and he's always in that chair an I've never gotten to sit in it but today he was in it and I jumped up there and tried to share, but he got all grumpy and got up and left, so I curled up and then the Mom walked in and I thought OH NO because it's really her chair and I didn't think I was actually allowed to sit in it but she said "Hey, Little Man. I've never seen you sit there before" and I was gonna get up because I didn't want to get in trouble but then she said "It's okay. You're allowed to curl up there if you want. Max can find some other place for his nap" so that means I get to sit in the big floppy comfy chair. Well, as long as I don't sharpen my claws on it. I'm pretty sure that's not allowed.

MAX PLAYED WITH ME YESTERDAY!!! And he was NICE, he didn't growl or hiss or bite me! We played Thundering Herd of Elephants and Tag You're It and Kitty Stalker. I wonder if he'll want to play again today...

Looky what the Mom and the Dad bringed brought home for me!

I forgot about grass it's been so long since I had some! And Max doesn't like it so it's all mine! I'm not supposed to eat so much that I throw up later, but I loves it so much I just might...

See?

I can lay on the table and I don't even get in any trouble. The Mom says "I'll just use lots of cleaner later." She sighs a lot when she says stuff like that. I don't know why. I take baths. I'm clean.

Sometimes, I snoopervise from up here. The Mom works down where I can see her.

It's a nice place to snoopervise from, but sometimes my head gets stuck.

Oh! Guess what I eated ate! I ATE WORMS! Two of them! The Mom was boiling them and took one out to see if it was done and I looked at it and she said "Want to try it?" so she dangled it in front of me and at first I thought I'd play with it but then I thought well it's already dead there's no fun in that, so I took a bite and I LIKED IT! When I gobbled it up she got another worm out and cooled it off and I ate that, too! I'm not sure I want to eat them the way the Mom does, because she covered a whole plateful of them in BLOOD. I didn't even know People liked to eat worms, but Max says they enjoy the delicate Basketti Worm on occasion, and that I'll probably get to try it again next week. He's too grossed out by all the blood to even try, I think. But they were very good!

You know when the Mom is bended over putting crunchy food in our dishes and you jump on her back, she sighs really hard and says "I am not amused" but Max says that's okay because we are amused, and that's all that matters.

Well today just was not the best day ever. This morning the Mom got upset because when she was giving Max his food I stuck my butt in her face because I THOUGHT she liked it but I guess not when she's feeding Max, and then later the door to the closet was open and I've always wanted to go in there but it's never open so I started to go in and she waved her poky finger and said "No, Buddah, we don't play in there" but I didn't need HER to play in there, just me, and besides I wasn't going to PLAY I was going to EXPLORE which is very different but she was piling up cases of fizzy water because it was on sale and she bought more than she can store in the kitchen so when she turned to pick one up I tried to sneak in there but she grabbed me and pulled me out and said, "No! It's not for kitties!" but I'm pretty sure it IS for kitties as evidenced by how badly I NEED to get in there!

Last night Max was downstairs and I was upstairs and he sat at the bottom of the stairs and kept calling out to me but I was sleepy so I was ignoring him but he really wanted to play Thundering Herd of Elephants so he kept yelling and I kept ignoring and every once in awhile the Mom would call out "Go find something to do Max," or "No one wants to play, Max" but he didn't want to give up so he kept meowing over and over and over and I kept ignoring over and over and over and finally the Mom got up and looked down the stairs and said "If you don't stop I am going to come down there and tie your tongue to your tail" and Max thought that sounded like fun because he didn't think she could catch him so he meowed again and you know what she did? She turned around and looked at me on the top of the tall climbing tower and said "Would it KILL you to answer him?" and I didn't know how to answer that so I stood up and showed her my butt. I think she likes that.

Oh noes...tonight Max dropped a huge bomb in the litter box and it was making everyone's eyes water so they left the house for a little while and when they came back it still was really bad and the Mom said "I swear, I'm going to stop feeding you two" and I think she might really mean it even though Max says she's just talking out her ass, though that's not where I heard it come from, I'm pretty sure it came out of her mouth and since there's not much crunchy food left in the dishes she might be serious.

Sometimes, when I don't know what to think, I sit in the corner by the closet door at the bottom of the stairs.

Most of the time I don't know what to think about the Mom not getting up and getting me a crunchy treat when I ask politely.

Sometimes I don't know what to think when Max won't be nice.

And sometimes I just don't know what to think, because thinking can be a very hard thing to do.

Today I sat in the corner because I didn't know what to think, and Max came down the stairs and said "Whatcha doin', Dorkus?" (I think he calls me that because he secretly likes me.)

But I didn't know. I said I might be very sad, and I didn't know what to think about that.

He said, "You gotta feel what you feel, even when it's being sad."

And then I said, "It feels like what happened to Monty's sister wasn't fair."

Max sat down and said, "What do we know of fair? I don't think it's fair when you get crunchy treats and I don't, but the People have their reasons. It's not that it's not fair...but it certainly does suck."

"You don't think it wasn't fair?"

"I think that it was horrible and that it hurts and that it sucks, and that it's a good thing you care enough to be sitting in a corner being all hurty."

"The Mom's eyes got all leaky and I think I wish I could get all leaky, too."

"People have that advantage," Max agreed. "They can be leaky because it helps get the suckiness out of them."

"Why can't we leak?" I asked him. "I want to feel better."

Max thought for a few seconds and then said, "I think our job is to take our own sadness and turn it into purrs, and then we jump up on the person who needs it the most, and we purr on them. That helps them when they don't feel good, and when they are very sad."

"If I purr for the Mom will I feel better?"

But Max didn't know. He said I might still feel all sad, but that a good purr couldn't hurt and would be worth a try. Then I asked him if purring on the Mom helped him feel not so sad, and he said "I have my ways of feeling better about things."

So I asked how he did that.

And that's when he sat on me.

---

I know everyone is praying for Monty's family and thinking them good thoughts and hugging them with their hearts. Purring helps, too. Max was right, I purred on the Mom and it helped her, and made me feel better too...

It's my box, but I'll let the newspapers stay there until they have to go to the recycling place.

Oh! And if there was a cookie for a prize, Karen Jo would get a big chocolate chip one on account of she guess what my drawing was! It's an egg! Max says it's a decent egg but I shouldn't give up my day job. That's ok, though, because I like holding papers down. Even newspapers.

Looky! The Mom and Max were working on his book and they were at the table drawing things and I jumped up and said "I want to help! Can I help?" and Max sucked in a deep breath and said "I suppose so" and then while they worked for hours and hours I worked for hours and hours and when I was done I had a picture and he's gonna use it in his book! Look!

Do you know what it is? Do you? Do you?

Guess!!!

Oh! Someone new came into my house today and said hi to me but then he said he wouldn't come closer because he didn't want to scare me and I looked kind of like I didn't want him to be there, but it wasn't that, it was just that I was surprised he was there at all since I never saw him before, and then he went other places in the house, clicking his flashy box, and then he left, and when he left the Mom and the Dad waited for his car to go away and they pulled out the Febreeze spray, because even though he was a nice guy he really did stink, and Max says that's because he sets his lollipops on fire and sucks on them, which seems like an odd kind of thing to do.

Max's job in the morning is to wake the Mom up and tell her it's time for breakfast and to get out of bed and take her opposable thumbs downstairs so someone can open a can of Stinky Goodness, but a couple of mornings this week I went in and did his job for him because it seems like a fun job to have, plus you sometimes learn fun new words, but this morning when I went in and said HEY GET UP! Max came in and told me to be quiet because it was too early to wake her up, and if you wake her up that early it's like asking the devil to do something--you might get what you want but you sure won't like the results. I told him it was light outside and I was hungry and it had been at least 5 sleeps since we had any good food but he said no, we kind of have a deal with the Mom, that we will let her sleep at least until it's time for the Regis guy to skwawk on the TV, but usually a little later on account of she's bassackwards and stays up pretty late but I said she wouldn't mind just this once and he started to say something else but she sat up and said WILL YOU TWO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE TO TALK? and then Max said "Well, once her eyeballs are visible it's all fair game" so he jumped on the bed and when she laid back down he put his head near her ear and went "Meow" every 2.2 seconds almost like a whisper until she finally said some of those fun words and got up and put her clothes on and did her drugs and stuff. But you know what? She didn't feed us! She sat down and read the paper and there was no Regis skwawking on the TV but then I found out it's Saturday and he sleeps in on Saturdays, too, so we had to wait until Regular Breakfast Time anyway, which was a big disappointment, and Max said to get used to it, because most of my life is gonna be that way.

I learned things this week.

• If you jump on Max and sink your teeth into his neck, the Mom gets upset, and if she sees you spit out a mouthful of Max fur she will pick it up and show it to you and say "this was mean!"
  
• She won't be any happier when you reach out and scratch her hand to show just how mean you can be.
  
• Max doesn't run from booming things outside or when a stranger comes into the house, but he runs from a tiny carpet cleaning thingy.
  
• Oh, and if you barf in the right place the Mom and the Dad won't see it for all day and then they have to use the tiny carpet cleaning thingy to clean it all up.
  
• The Mom forgets thing and I know this because she forgot what my sign in name was for my blog for days and days and days so I couldn't get on here to say anything.
  
• If you start to chew on a thingy sticking out of the wall, the Mom gets very excited and jumps out of bed and says "No! That will electrocute you!"
  
• I'm not sure what that means but it sounds exciting.
  
• People armpits smell interesting, but they don't taste very good.