The Adventures Of Buddah Pest

Look Look Look!!!

The Mom had a little cimummum donut and I jumped on her lap to see what she had because it smelled good and once I got a good whiff I knew I wanted some because she let me have a tiny bite before so I just stuck my face up there and started licking and she didn't yell at me, she let me lick! I did A LOT of licking until Max came in and then I jumped down because he thinks he owns all the donuts in the house and he woulda gotten mad if he knew I got to the donut first BUT I GOT IT FIRST!!! We shared later but he got to lick a little all by himself for a minute, too, and then we licked it together and we even got to take a couple a bites!

OHMYGOSH GUESS WHAT GUESSWHAT??!? I'M FAMOUS!!!! Maybe more famous than Max because a whole buncha people emailed Max to tell him about a newsletter that talked about ME and my UNUSAL NAMe and no one has ever done that about Max because his name is like COMMON and there's nothing special about it but there's no one else named Buddah Pest, and the people who write the newsletter for Petplace.com know all about me or at least about my name and it's the most unusual one out there, and I know that because it says so in the box at the top of the newsletter!

I couldn't figure out how to put the newsletter in here so I got the mom to take screen shots and she split it into 3 pictures and I'm going to show you little ones that you probably can't read but you can click on them and she really bigs ones that you can read and you can see how famous I am!

Max says to enjoy it cause it only lasts 15 minutes but that's okay because for once people know about ME!!!

Thank you everyone who emaled Max and told him and some of you emailed the Mom and told her so now they know I'm not making it up! I am very excited!!!

Hmmm...it's been a long time since I got to blog, but either the Mom is using the computer to make other people cry or Max is working on his book or they're both blogging and I just don't get the chance, but Max is done with his book and he's done saying bad words to the editor so I get a chance to use the computer. The Mom us still making people cry but she says she's not trying to be mean she's just "helping" them with books that they're trying to write but I don't think making people cry is being a very big help. I've been very busy too so I don't know that I would have had much time to sit down and write something because I have a very important job being the paper holder downer and Max needed me to hold his papers down while he worked plus the windows have been open a lot lately and when I get lots of fresh air bugs crawl up my butt and make me run around a lot, but it must not bad kinds of bugs even though the Mom keeps saying she's going to get a giant pair of tweezers and pull the bugs out because she hasn't done that and I think if they were bad bugs she probably would. I'm glad they aren't bad bugs because I'm thinking that might hurt a little bit.

Looky! The Mom had a WHOLE BOWL full of these and she gave one each to me and Max and we got to roll them around on the floor but then mine got all icky and she threw it away and I wanted another one and she said no, the rest were hers. Well that hurt my feelings because she had like a THOUSAND of them or maybe five, but she coulda shared, but she didn't want to so Max rolled his toward me and told her "Silly Wabbit, Trix are for kitties!"











hehehehehehehe...but we really did get to play with some...

You know what? We have a big floppy comfy chair in the room with the box that sometimes has cats on it but mostly Max watches General Hospital and he's always in that chair an I've never gotten to sit in it but today he was in it and I jumped up there and tried to share, but he got all grumpy and got up and left, so I curled up and then the Mom walked in and I thought OH NO because it's really her chair and I didn't think I was actually allowed to sit in it but she said "Hey, Little Man. I've never seen you sit there before" and I was gonna get up because I didn't want to get in trouble but then she said "It's okay. You're allowed to curl up there if you want. Max can find some other place for his nap" so that means I get to sit in the big floppy comfy chair. Well, as long as I don't sharpen my claws on it. I'm pretty sure that's not allowed.

MAX PLAYED WITH ME YESTERDAY!!! And he was NICE, he didn't growl or hiss or bite me! We played Thundering Herd of Elephants and Tag You're It and Kitty Stalker. I wonder if he'll want to play again today...

Looky what the Mom and the Dad bringed brought home for me!

I forgot about grass it's been so long since I had some! And Max doesn't like it so it's all mine! I'm not supposed to eat so much that I throw up later, but I loves it so much I just might...

See?

I can lay on the table and I don't even get in any trouble. The Mom says "I'll just use lots of cleaner later." She sighs a lot when she says stuff like that. I don't know why. I take baths. I'm clean.

Sometimes, I snoopervise from up here. The Mom works down where I can see her.

It's a nice place to snoopervise from, but sometimes my head gets stuck.

Oh! Guess what I eated ate! I ATE WORMS! Two of them! The Mom was boiling them and took one out to see if it was done and I looked at it and she said "Want to try it?" so she dangled it in front of me and at first I thought I'd play with it but then I thought well it's already dead there's no fun in that, so I took a bite and I LIKED IT! When I gobbled it up she got another worm out and cooled it off and I ate that, too! I'm not sure I want to eat them the way the Mom does, because she covered a whole plateful of them in BLOOD. I didn't even know People liked to eat worms, but Max says they enjoy the delicate Basketti Worm on occasion, and that I'll probably get to try it again next week. He's too grossed out by all the blood to even try, I think. But they were very good!

You know when the Mom is bended over putting crunchy food in our dishes and you jump on her back, she sighs really hard and says "I am not amused" but Max says that's okay because we are amused, and that's all that matters.

Well today just was not the best day ever. This morning the Mom got upset because when she was giving Max his food I stuck my butt in her face because I THOUGHT she liked it but I guess not when she's feeding Max, and then later the door to the closet was open and I've always wanted to go in there but it's never open so I started to go in and she waved her poky finger and said "No, Buddah, we don't play in there" but I didn't need HER to play in there, just me, and besides I wasn't going to PLAY I was going to EXPLORE which is very different but she was piling up cases of fizzy water because it was on sale and she bought more than she can store in the kitchen so when she turned to pick one up I tried to sneak in there but she grabbed me and pulled me out and said, "No! It's not for kitties!" but I'm pretty sure it IS for kitties as evidenced by how badly I NEED to get in there!

Last night Max was downstairs and I was upstairs and he sat at the bottom of the stairs and kept calling out to me but I was sleepy so I was ignoring him but he really wanted to play Thundering Herd of Elephants so he kept yelling and I kept ignoring and every once in awhile the Mom would call out "Go find something to do Max," or "No one wants to play, Max" but he didn't want to give up so he kept meowing over and over and over and I kept ignoring over and over and over and finally the Mom got up and looked down the stairs and said "If you don't stop I am going to come down there and tie your tongue to your tail" and Max thought that sounded like fun because he didn't think she could catch him so he meowed again and you know what she did? She turned around and looked at me on the top of the tall climbing tower and said "Would it KILL you to answer him?" and I didn't know how to answer that so I stood up and showed her my butt. I think she likes that.

Oh noes...tonight Max dropped a huge bomb in the litter box and it was making everyone's eyes water so they left the house for a little while and when they came back it still was really bad and the Mom said "I swear, I'm going to stop feeding you two" and I think she might really mean it even though Max says she's just talking out her ass, though that's not where I heard it come from, I'm pretty sure it came out of her mouth and since there's not much crunchy food left in the dishes she might be serious.

Sometimes, when I don't know what to think, I sit in the corner by the closet door at the bottom of the stairs.

Most of the time I don't know what to think about the Mom not getting up and getting me a crunchy treat when I ask politely.

Sometimes I don't know what to think when Max won't be nice.

And sometimes I just don't know what to think, because thinking can be a very hard thing to do.

Today I sat in the corner because I didn't know what to think, and Max came down the stairs and said "Whatcha doin', Dorkus?" (I think he calls me that because he secretly likes me.)

But I didn't know. I said I might be very sad, and I didn't know what to think about that.

He said, "You gotta feel what you feel, even when it's being sad."

And then I said, "It feels like what happened to Monty's sister wasn't fair."

Max sat down and said, "What do we know of fair? I don't think it's fair when you get crunchy treats and I don't, but the People have their reasons. It's not that it's not fair...but it certainly does suck."

"You don't think it wasn't fair?"

"I think that it was horrible and that it hurts and that it sucks, and that it's a good thing you care enough to be sitting in a corner being all hurty."

"The Mom's eyes got all leaky and I think I wish I could get all leaky, too."

"People have that advantage," Max agreed. "They can be leaky because it helps get the suckiness out of them."

"Why can't we leak?" I asked him. "I want to feel better."

Max thought for a few seconds and then said, "I think our job is to take our own sadness and turn it into purrs, and then we jump up on the person who needs it the most, and we purr on them. That helps them when they don't feel good, and when they are very sad."

"If I purr for the Mom will I feel better?"

But Max didn't know. He said I might still feel all sad, but that a good purr couldn't hurt and would be worth a try. Then I asked him if purring on the Mom helped him feel not so sad, and he said "I have my ways of feeling better about things."

So I asked how he did that.

And that's when he sat on me.

---

I know everyone is praying for Monty's family and thinking them good thoughts and hugging them with their hearts. Purring helps, too. Max was right, I purred on the Mom and it helped her, and made me feel better too...

It's my box, but I'll let the newspapers stay there until they have to go to the recycling place.

Oh! And if there was a cookie for a prize, Karen Jo would get a big chocolate chip one on account of she guess what my drawing was! It's an egg! Max says it's a decent egg but I shouldn't give up my day job. That's ok, though, because I like holding papers down. Even newspapers.

Looky! The Mom and Max were working on his book and they were at the table drawing things and I jumped up and said "I want to help! Can I help?" and Max sucked in a deep breath and said "I suppose so" and then while they worked for hours and hours I worked for hours and hours and when I was done I had a picture and he's gonna use it in his book! Look!

Do you know what it is? Do you? Do you?

Guess!!!

Oh! Someone new came into my house today and said hi to me but then he said he wouldn't come closer because he didn't want to scare me and I looked kind of like I didn't want him to be there, but it wasn't that, it was just that I was surprised he was there at all since I never saw him before, and then he went other places in the house, clicking his flashy box, and then he left, and when he left the Mom and the Dad waited for his car to go away and they pulled out the Febreeze spray, because even though he was a nice guy he really did stink, and Max says that's because he sets his lollipops on fire and sucks on them, which seems like an odd kind of thing to do.

Max's job in the morning is to wake the Mom up and tell her it's time for breakfast and to get out of bed and take her opposable thumbs downstairs so someone can open a can of Stinky Goodness, but a couple of mornings this week I went in and did his job for him because it seems like a fun job to have, plus you sometimes learn fun new words, but this morning when I went in and said HEY GET UP! Max came in and told me to be quiet because it was too early to wake her up, and if you wake her up that early it's like asking the devil to do something--you might get what you want but you sure won't like the results. I told him it was light outside and I was hungry and it had been at least 5 sleeps since we had any good food but he said no, we kind of have a deal with the Mom, that we will let her sleep at least until it's time for the Regis guy to skwawk on the TV, but usually a little later on account of she's bassackwards and stays up pretty late but I said she wouldn't mind just this once and he started to say something else but she sat up and said WILL YOU TWO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE TO TALK? and then Max said "Well, once her eyeballs are visible it's all fair game" so he jumped on the bed and when she laid back down he put his head near her ear and went "Meow" every 2.2 seconds almost like a whisper until she finally said some of those fun words and got up and put her clothes on and did her drugs and stuff. But you know what? She didn't feed us! She sat down and read the paper and there was no Regis skwawking on the TV but then I found out it's Saturday and he sleeps in on Saturdays, too, so we had to wait until Regular Breakfast Time anyway, which was a big disappointment, and Max said to get used to it, because most of my life is gonna be that way.

I learned things this week.

• If you jump on Max and sink your teeth into his neck, the Mom gets upset, and if she sees you spit out a mouthful of Max fur she will pick it up and show it to you and say "this was mean!"
  
• She won't be any happier when you reach out and scratch her hand to show just how mean you can be.
  
• Max doesn't run from booming things outside or when a stranger comes into the house, but he runs from a tiny carpet cleaning thingy.
  
• Oh, and if you barf in the right place the Mom and the Dad won't see it for all day and then they have to use the tiny carpet cleaning thingy to clean it all up.
  
• The Mom forgets thing and I know this because she forgot what my sign in name was for my blog for days and days and days so I couldn't get on here to say anything.
  
• If you start to chew on a thingy sticking out of the wall, the Mom gets very excited and jumps out of bed and says "No! That will electrocute you!"
  
• I'm not sure what that means but it sounds exciting.
  
• People armpits smell interesting, but they don't taste very good.
  

Looky what Max got!

Max got this for his birthday and I don't think he likes it very much but I do and he said "knock yourself out" when I wanted to get in it and when the Mom said something about going for walks he said "It's all yours!" So I get Max's birthday present! Just for that I let him have all the birthday dinner, because that's all he really wanted anyway.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Max finally gotted to get in one of the hammocks, but look...

...he's so fat it goes all the way to the floor. I don't think he even realizes it!

Looky what we got!

It's some Forty Paws hammocks! And I got to them FIRST! Max wasn't in the room when the Mom put them together, so I got to pick which one I wanted before he did! And I think it made Max mad, because he wanted the red one but I got on it first and he doesn't like things that smell like me. So you know what I did? When he turned away, I got onto the other one and made it smell like me too! Ha ha ha ha ha I got both of them and he got NOTHING!

Hey! Max is in the paper today! He's almost famous now! And my name even got mentioned, that was fun! Max says there should be a celebration of some kind, with crunchy treats and Tuna, but I don't think the Mom is going to give us anything, at least not right now. Maybe she's planning on something for dessert tonight. I hope so, because we haven't had any Stinky Goodness in a very long time, and that would be a nice treat.

I went bananas!

A little box came in the mail and in it was two bananas, and instead of goopy stuff that we don't like, they're full of kitty crack! The Dad made me work for mine, but pretty soon I got it from him, and then you know what happened?



I got Max's banana, too! He walked away from it and I looked up and said "Can I have it?" and he didn't turn around or anything, so I got to play with both of them.

I might give it back to him later. If I can remember where I hid it.

Looky! I started out with a mouse that looked like one of these:

and when I was done playing, it looked like this:




As you can see, I worked very hard at making it dead:




And even Max had to come check it out, but he thought I had a crunchy treat, so he checked my breath to make sure he didn't get cheated out of one.



It was fun...but now I don't have a mousie because the Mom threw it away.

Oh Oh Oh! William tagged me for the 6 word memoir mememememe!

Here are the rules:
1) Write your own six word memoir.
2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.
6) Have fun!!

Ok, here's mine:

Not enough time to do everything!

Ok Max keeps saying that I cry when the Mom goes into the litterbox room when I'm peein' on account of I don't like being watched. Well I DON'T like being watched because that's just RUDE (but it's ok if I watch the Mom or the Dad because they have no shame) but I DON'T CRY! I just look at her and say "GET OUT!" and most of the time she says "I'm sorry" and she leaves but sometimes she says she's going to POP and she can't leave and I can't just STOP so I close my eyes and say "leaveleaveleaveleave" but she doesn't until we're both done and that's upsetting but I DON'T CRY. Max wants to talk about someone inner little girl, well HE WATCHES A SOAP OPERA! He does! He sits on the Woman's lap and watches General Hospital with her! And I think I heard him sniffle last week when some medium sticky person got shot in the head. He won't admit it but he did it!

I pushed Max down the stairs! I WINNED! I'm the big kitty now!!! I OWN HIM!!11!!!

Oh you know what? Today the Mom an the Dad stuck me inside a not very nice box and then took me outside, which would have been a lot more fun if I had a stroller like Skeezix, and then they put me and Max inside the box with the rolling wheels and they took us to the stabby place! I don't know why Max didn't warn me that was going to happen but a little before we went there the Mom shoved something in his mouth and said "OK, go to your happy place" and you know what he did? He got inside his plastic tomb without anyone making him and he was all sleepy and said "Doooooood...Ohhhhhhh...niiiiiiice" and the next thing I know we're going for a ride. We didn't get to see the bald guy even though Max said that's the stabby person that always shoves things up his butt, but we got to see a very nice lady who said I was a pretty boy and she loved my long tail and my pretty green eyes and I was thinking this was a nice place to go, but then she stabbed me. That was a disappointment, finding out she was a stabby person, too. After she was done stabbing me she said I was a very good boy, and I think I was because I didn't bite anyone even though I could have, and she told the Mom and the Dad that she wanted to leave Max in his tomb because she was going to need help with him and when the other lady picked up Max's tomb he said "Dooooood....I'm gonna pooooooop!" and he did! He pooped so they had to clean it up and then the lady stabbed him THREE times and looked in his ears and stuff the same way she did me, but the good thing all around was nothing got shoved up anyone's butt today. And she said I'm a very big boy, fifteen whole pounds, but I'm not fat and Max is 16 pounds but he is really fat and I thought that was funny but he must have been insulted because he peed in his tomb and I don't think he thought that one through because they didn't take him out of the tomb after he did that so he had to sit in his own pee until we got back into the box with the rolling wheels when the Mom put a towel in there so he wouldn't have to sit in pee. It wasn't all that bad but I'm glad we don't have to go back for a whole year. Well, Max might if his zits don't clear up, but I'm good for the year!

It's My Birthday!!!

I'm three years old!

The Mom and the Dad made me a kitty crack toy! You know the cartoom "Mutts" and the little pink sock that the mkitty on it ikes so much? I have one of my very own! Well, I really have TWO, but I'm going to let Max play with one on account of he's a crackhead and the socks are filled with really good nip!

This is what Max got for me! It's a sack and it goes crinkle, crinkle, crinkle when you get in it. I think it's going to be at least 15 kinds of fun, especially if we can figure out how to get it upstairs so we can play with it right by the Mom when she's sleeping.

Oh And there's going to be more! The Dad has SHRIMPS for us! I like shrimp a little bit so I'll eat a piece to be polite, but Max really like shrimp so it'll be really special for him.

Now that I'm 3, I think I'm a mancat. Right? Max says I'm a medium mancat but I think I'm all mancat now. Maybe he means I'm medium because he's so much fatter than me...? That must be it.

There are more pictures at the Mom's Flickr thingy. They didn't upload in order but she made a set and they're in order there. Go see!

Oh wow, I don't think Max has been this mad since the Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad brought me home...

We fixed the Mom! She felt really really bad and was trying to get her toenails to come up through her stomach and out her mouth so we took turns sitting on her and a little while ago I was sitting on her and Max came up and hit me in the head with his mighty paw and she said "You know what, guys, I feel much better now" so it worked! I'm glad it worked because I saw what she was doing to get her toenails to do that and it didn't look like any kind of fun, and it didn't even work! Her toenails are still on her toes! I don't know why she wanted to try that but Max says not to think about it to hard because it's a people thing and we'll never understand why they sometimes try to puke their toenails up. I still might purr on top of her tonight while she's asleep, just in case.

Oh No this morning I was in the bedroom and the Dad was asleep and I was just snooping around the floor and this THING fell off the bed onto my head and it scared me a little so I grabbed it with my claws and I bit it. I bite it really hard and then I heard the Dad say LOTS of bad words and when I looked up HIS HAND WAS LEAKING and he was really really mad at me so I ran away and hid from him because I was afraid he was going to bite me back but later he gave me crunchy treats so I don't think he was too mad but later the Mom said "If that gets infected we'll have to take you to the doctor" and Max said that was really bad because if that happens they're going to CUT HIS HAND OFF and if they cut his hand off how will he give me crunchy treats in the morning?

Everyone knows that the bed with the fuzzy blanket of the two long pillows is mine to nap on during the day even though Max sometimes gets up there too, but he doesn't take up much room so I don't mind, but it's mine and I count on it, so when I went to take a nap and the Mom was there hogging all the best places, well, that's when I jumped up and smacked her on the head with my paw four or five times and said "MOVE" but she just laughed and said "Sweetie, you can have the bed later" but that wasn't what I wanted to hear and it's NOT FAIR and I missed my nap!

I'm still very very busy because now I have a new job aside from being the Paper Holder Downer. You see, the Dad has this thing stuck to his face every night and it's called a See-Pap and Max says it's blowing lots and lots of air into the Dad and that if he doesn't blow some of it out he's going to just fill up with air and pop, so I decided I would make sure he blows some of the air out, so last night I walked across him lots of times because I knew if he woke up he would blow air out, and it worked! I walked across him a bajrillion times but he only woke up three times but that was enough and he didn't pop. So now I'm a Paper Holder Downer AND The Dad Holder Downer, plus tomorrow is Sit In The Box Day to make sure they don't take my special box outside with the other boxes and stuff. I think I should be a very tired kitty by now with all the work I have to do. All Max does is eat and sleep and lick himself and write, and that's not a whole lot, I don't think.

I know I haven't blogged in a long long time and I keep saying that but I've been very very busy because I have a job as the Paper Holder Downer and the Mom has had lots of papers for me to hold down, plus I have to spend a lot of time sitting in my special box to make sure no one throws it away but tonight is the night the Dad takes all the trash out and was in the box so he didn't take it, so I don't have to worry about anyone throwing my box away tonight, and Max says it's some kind of record for keeping a box because I've had it for like 2 years, or maybe a month, but it's been a long time and I'm very happy!

Seven Weird Things About Me On Account Of I Was Tagged By Mr Hendrix...

1. I know when it's eleven o'clock at night every night because that's when the Mom sticks herself with a needle and she gives us crunchy treats so that we won't help her so every night my tummy tells me to go to the kitchen at eleven o'clock so now the Mom knows when it's time for her to stick herself.


2. I don't like very much people food but sometimes if the Mom is having lunch and it smells really good I'll jump up on the table to see what it is and Max says "Doooood...no..." because that's against the rules but I'm cute so I don't get yelled at I just get picked up and out on the floor.


3. I am a very quiet kitty and I don't talk very much except at night when everyone is in bed and then I sometimes sit in the hallway and ask if someone will get up and play with me, but this doesn't always work out very well because Max will come out and throw me down the stairs.


4. During the day the big bed is mine and the Mom doesn't make it because she sleeps with two long body pillows and I like to sleep on the fuzzy blanket between the pillows, but the pillows have to be under the blanket, so she leaves it like that just for me.


5. Sometimes when the Mom or the Dad try to pet me, and I don't want to be petted, I bite, and I bite pretty hard. Max says I have to learn how to do a soft bite where I just put my teeth on the them without hurting anything so they know what I mean without me getting anyone mad, but I keep forgetting and I just chomp right on down.


6. I do not like it when I am in the litterbox and someone comes in and doesn't say "Excuse Me" and then leaves. I can't poop with an audience, so when it happens I close my eyes and try to pretend I'm alone but then they always say something and that just makes it hard. I need privacy!


7. I am not much of a lap cat, only sometimes for a few minutes at a time, but once in a while when the Mom is in bed and watching TV I will jump on the bed and stomp up her and plop down on her throat. She always says "Gee thanks" so I know she likes it. She also says "Just want I wanted, cat butt in my face" so I be sure to wiggle around until she has a good view of Spot #13. I try to not fart, though,because I did that once when I was on her throat and she was not happy...

I guess I'm not all that weird...

Max and I are very very mad at the Mom. We were upstairs being good and not picking on each other and sharing the bed without hissing or anything and we smelled something really good so Max said "Let's go see what it is" because when you're being good and you smell something good, it's probably a treat. But we got downstairs and the Mom said "No, this isn't for kitties" and she wouldn't even let us get close to the cookies she was taking out of the hot box. Kitties can have cookies, right? We were being good so we think we should each get a cookie of our own but the Mom is being very mean right now and SHE ate one RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!

Ohhhhh I know I've been a bad blogging kitty but first I was really busy playing with my new Christmas toys and then I losted the best ones and I was looking for them and I'm not sure where they are but the Dad says I probably knocked them under the china cabinet and he's probably right but I stuck my paw in as far as I could and I didn't feel them which makes me a little sad.

Then I was just too embarrassed because I was in the litter box and the Mom came in and she usually says "Excuse me!" and leaves so I can finish but this time she stayed and she used the people little box at the same time! I was so embarrassed and I wanted to finish in private but I couldn't just STOP so I closed my eyes and tried to pretend no one was watching but then she started talking to me so I couldn't pretend anymore, and well it was just humiliating.

And then I had these fun boxes and was playing with them a lot and the Dad said it was trash day and they had to go into recycling so I jumped in one so he couldn't take it and he took the other one and the Mom said "Sweetie, it's time for the box to go" but I didn't move so she looked up and said "Let him keep it one more week." Whew.

Oh, and tonight I got crunchies and Max didn't because the Mom was all stealthy and sneaked them to me while he was upstairs!

Hey, we got more presents!

The Grandma sent us a little stocking full of stuffs! And you see the little heart shaped mousie? You don't see it, but there's a green one just like it and it's my favorite! I played with it for two solid hours last night, took a nap, and then played with it some more. And this morning I played with it over and over and over again!

I am really glad now that Max took the Mom's plastic money so we could buy presents. We got the Grandma a couple of little fire thingies that smell like cinnamon and something else.

Max was even playing! There was a thingy on a string and he played with that a lot!

And then we got shrimp!

santa came!

And he wasn't mad that I bit the Mom! Look what he gave me!

And it's just for me! I don't even have to share it with Max, on account of he has no claws!

Oh! And look at this!




He kissed me! He won't admit it, he says he was sniffin', BUT HE KISSED ME! I was gonna wash my face right after but I think that woulda been rude, especially on Christmas.

I hope everyone had a fun day!

Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no! I BIT THE MOM! And I didn't just nip I bit her REALLY HARD. I left a poky hole on her finger. She was really mad and wagged her finger at me, but now she seems not so mad, but what if Santa knows? Max says Santa sees it all so I'm screwed.

It's not fair, Max won't share!



But that's ok, he doesn't know I laid in his bed before he did!

Oh oh oh you know what Max and me did? DON'T TELL THE MOM AND THE DAD! We were playing and Max jumped up on a chair and looked at the table with the lamp and said "LOOK!" so I looked and all there was was this little plastic card and I said "SO?" and Max said "That's...MONEY! It's like MONEY!" and I asked if he was going to buy kitty crack but he said "No...there's no one around and the laptop is open so we're gonna shop online!" And we did! We boughted presents for the Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad! BUT DON'T TELL THEM!!!! It's a surprise. Max says it's TWO surprises in one...first when they get their presents and then when the bill comes! We thinked about buying some crunchy treats and kitty crack and toy mousies and fevver thingies, but Max said Santa might think we were being greedy and then he wouldn't come on Christmas, so we didn't. But after Christmas, we know where the Mom keeps the plastic thingy, so we can go shopping again!

Oh I think the Mom is really really really mad at me. I was looking at this tall lamp near the climbing trees and the top of it looked like a good place for a kitty to curl up in and I figured if I jumped from the climbing tree to the top window ledge I could jump down into the lamp (Max says it's a torch-ee-air lamp) and take a nap in it...but when my front paws touched it, it started to tip over and I couldn't catch it and it went BOOM and the CRASH and the fun part where a kitty could nap broke into eleventy-million pieces.

After she cleaned all those pieces up she wagged the pointy finger at me and asked "what did you think you were doing?" but I couldn't answer because the wagging pointy finger means YOU'RE IN TROUBLE and I was so sad.

Max said to just go take a nap on her bed and she'd forget about it after a while, but I'm not so sure because I think she really liked that lamp.

Oh! Oh! Oh! We have eggsitment going on right now! There's a little girl kitty in the rumbly bike room and Max and I can hear her because she's LOUD when she's meowing. We don't get to see her and we probably won't ever get to meet her on account of the Mom says she's somebody else's kitty we just have to figure out whose, but the Mom says she's very very pretty and very very sweet. She won't tell what her true name is but I hear the Mom calling her "Sweet Girl" and "Baby Girl" through the door. Max says that's gross but he doesn't like being called sweet anything which is probably because he knows he's not sweet at all, but I like being called sweetie and I don't mind if the Mom calls the girl kitty sweetie, too.

Max says the Mom wants to find where the girl kitty lives because when they thought I was missing it hurt her heart really bad, and she hates the idea of someone else's heart hurting really bad, too. I kind of hope she finds the girl kitty's family and part of it is really selfish cause I don't think I want another kitty in here. I like being the baby, and the girl kitty is younger than me.

So please think good thoughts of FIND GIRL KITTY'S FAMILY so that everyone is happy!

Oh I think we're in trouble. Tonight the Mom filled our crunchy food dishes all the way to the top and said that would hold us all through tomorrow and then she sat down to play online so max and I decided to play Tag You're It and we were running and running and we ran from the front room toward the kitchen and we ran right into the food dishes and sent all that food flying all over the place! She was not happy, not at all because some of the food got in our water fountain and she had to get a slotted spoon to fish it out and then she had to get the broom to clean up all the crunchy food and when she was done she wagged the Pointy Finger and said CALM YOUR BUTT DOWN! Max said that was really really funny and totally worth it, but I think the Mom is mad and she might not fill the dish again tonight!

Oh! Today was Happy Turkey Day, but Max was sad all day, so when the Mom and the Dad came home and said there was Surprise Turkey from Auntie Marla I only ate a little bit and let Max have most of mine, so I guess today really was Happy Turkey Day, because Max was happy! Hahahaha!

I wish this was me!!!!

I tried gettin into a donutz box once but I got yelled at...

Will someone please make Max stop licking my head? I take baths all by myself now and I take a bath every day, sometimes twice a day and I don't NEED his help and he's really ticking me off but if I do anything about it he'll throw me down the stairs and I just don't bounce as good as I used to.

OHMYGOSH I GOT BACON TONIGHT!!!

Oh oh oh! THERE WERE STICKY LITTLE PEOPLE HERE TONIGHT! None of them actually got into the house but I think they would have if the Dad hadn't stopped them at the door and bribed them with tootsie roll pops, and if they had gotten in here they might have TOUCHED me and pulled on my tail or something, even though Max said they weren't coming in and all they wanted was candy and they do this EVERY year, they just ring the doorbell and the Dad gives them treats like they've done something special but I didn't see any of them doing anything special, just doorbell ringing, and I could do that if they would let me out the front door.

I got tagged to do the desktop mememememe!

This is the desktop on the Mom's big computer:

Up until yesterday it was me! And this is what it looked like:



The Mom likes the first picture because she loves rumbly bikes and says it blows her away that someone would ride in the snow. She wishes she knew who took the picture because it's very pretty and they deserve the credit for it, but she doesn't know who it is.

If I ever get a computer of my very own, the picture is going to be of a giant bag of crunchy treats. I would like some crunchy treats right not, but I asked the mom a few minutes ago and she said "No, sweetie, it's not time to eat anything." I didn't ask what time it was, sheesh.

I love to eat some Twinkies
Twinkies what I love to eat
Get cream on my tiny nose
Lick cream off my tiny feet

Why can't I have an entire whole Twinkie? Why do I only get a tiny tiny bite? It doesn't seem fair...

Ohhhh Max is really mad. The Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad had chicken for dinner and he didn't get any because the Other Dad said it was fried and he didn't need any and the Mom agreed so Max didn't get even a tiny taste of it, all he got was a couple of crunchy treats and he said that was good but IT WAS NOT CHICKEN! He said it like that, IT WAS NOT CHICKEN! I was asleep so I missed it all but that's okay because I'm not a big fan of people food anyway unless it's chicken the Mom makes in a krok pot or the Very Very Special Pot Roast that gets zapped in the microwave for 4 minutes and then has to sit for 2 minutes before eating, because that is very very good but even then we only get little tastes because it has sodium in it.

Max says it's talk like a pirate day and I'm supposed to say R a lot.

What's a pirate?
And why does a pirate say R a lot?
Is it a speech impediment?

And why does he keep saying he's gonna make me walk a plank? Because I looked that up and I don't think I want to walk on one because it might have splinters.

Ohnoes...you remember the first day the Mom and the Dad brought me and Max to the new house and then they thought I got out and was lost forever and the Mom was running up and down the street with snot running down her face and then was so happy I was actually still in the house that she almost got the snot running all over again?

Well, the people who lived in the house before us (they were only in it for 6 weeks) had two kitties, and the lady came over to oick up some mail that the damnedincompetentmailservice didn't forward and she told the Mom that when they got to their new house one of their kitties got out and they still can't find her.

The kitty's name is Sara so if everyone could concentrate their sooper dooper kitty mojo towards CA maybe she'll turn up, either here becaue maybe she thinks she's coming home and then we can take her to her Mom and Dad and human brother and sister, or she'll remember she has a new house and she'll go back there. It's been three weeks and they're very sad. So please think good thoughts and stuff.

When the Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad make eveyone move into a new house, being a snoopervisor is a very very very very very bizzy job and I barely have time to do my paper holder downer job but the Mom hasn't had a lot of paper holder downing for me to do which is just as well because I'm TIRED!

I don't know why everyone got so excited today. They took us to a new place and I was scared, but I did was I was told. When they put Max and me in a room they said to stay there and be good, so I did just that. Even when Max got the door open I stayed in the room. Max was gone for three hours, and I stayed in the room. I heard them call my name, but no one said I could leave the room, so I stayed there. Then all the sudden the Dad shouts I FOUND HIM and he picked me up and hugged me and the Woman came running and she grabbed me and hugged me too and she was teary eyed and upset but happy, and then they took me back home where most of my stuff is GONE. And I don't know but we got LOTS of treats. Max says not to question it, they were worried about me and now they're happy, so just accept the treats and be happy. I think I got so may treats because I was a good boy and stayed in the room like I was told to. Max got treats because even though there were doors open that go outside he stayed in the house. That's not as good as staying in the room you're told to stay in but I guess it counts for something.

There are lots and lots of boxes in the house!



Max says this is not good, that the boxes aren't there for me to play on, but why else would they be here? This is fun!

This morning the Mom pointed her finger at me and said "You have to stop going apeshit every morning, and you especially have to stop running across the bed when I'm trying to sleep," but I'm not going apeshit I'm just playing and running while I wait for her to wake up, and this morning when I played and I ran I moved my bed and my tunnel and the front carpet runner and a bunch of my toys right into the middle of the living room, because that way we won't forget any of them when we move, but Max says it's too soon to worry about that, and to ignore the Mom because she's lazy and sleeps too late anyway.

I'm looking for something! I have to read everything in here to find it. It helps that the drawer broke 2 years ago and the Dad hasn't fixed it even though he said he would...2 years ago.



Found it!
Now the Mom can get back to work.



I have been very very very busy lately. Not only do I have the job of Official Paper Holder Downer, but I have found a new hobby to take up time when I am not working. It's called howl at all closed doors. First I howled at the front door, making the Mom think I wanted to go outside. I did that for many days in a row, lots of times every day.

Then I howled at the door that leads to the room where the rumbly bikes sleep. I did that many days in a row, too, many times a day.

Today I am howling at the pantry door, which confuses the Mom because it doesn't really lead anywhere and none of my food is kept there.

When I'm not holding down papers and howling at doors, I'm running around the house like my butt is on fire. This is great exercise (that's how I'm skinny and Max is NOT) and it makes the Mom get up and make sure there's nothing wrong with me. She doesn't really like it in the middle of the night, though, especially if Max does it too so we can play Thundering Herd Of Elephants.

I have a lot to do every day, and it doesn't seem like there's enough time to do it all.

=sigh=

I'm not talking to the wall. I'm talking to the front door, saying open, open, open because I want to go outside, only no one ever takes me outside, they just sit there and say "No, Buddah" or "Stop talking to the wall, Buddah" or "Is there a buggy there?" I never get to go outside and I want to because I can see it from the window and it looks like a lot of fun and I think I would have a goos time, but all I ever hear is NO.

I think I learned this before but I learned it again tonight. If you go into the giant litterbox room with the Mom, and she leans over to pick something up off the floor, it's not a good time to jump on her back and chew on her hair. Just so you know.

I'm a bad blogger, I know.

But I got a job!

I'm a Paper Holder Downer!

It doesn't pay anything but I get crunchy treats and I get to sit on the desk by the Mom.

It keeps me busy...but I'll try to be a better blogger, I promise!

A few days ago Max said "Sunday is Father's Day" and I wanted to know what that was and he said "It's when men get presents from their kids and sometimes women who are both mom and dad to their kids" and I said "Oh no! I don't have a present for the Dad!" and he said that was all right and that we weren't expected to get anything but I really really wanted to get him something and asked Max to give me some of his money and he sighed really hard and said "All right, we'll make the Woman go shopping. What do you want to get him?" but I didn't know so I asked Max what he would like and Max thought for a while and said, "Seedies. He would like a couple of seedies." So that's what we asked the Mom to get. Seedies! Well, Max got him something to watch on TV that he thought was good because the people on it use the F-word alot and Max thinks that's pretty funny, but that's just how Max is.

After the Dad woke up he got to open his presents and he really liked them and said he was going to make copies of his seedies! And then the Other Dad took him to the room where the rumbly bikes sleep to show him the present he got, it's this giant box to cook food on outside and it has a shiny cover so the birds won't poop on the food. He really really liked it. But I think he likes the seedies more because he wanted to make copies of them before he went to pass gas tonight. He didn't want to make copies of anything else.

Oh and you know what? You don't plant seedies to grow anything from them. I think all you do is make copies of them. If you keep making copies then you have lots of seedies, and if you have lots of seedies you win!

Oh! You know what? There's lots of bugs in the house! I keep finding them all over the place and they let me play with them as long as I want, but they get tired of playing before I do and curl up into little balls and don't move anymore. I try to get them to play more by batting them around on the floor, but they just won't get out of the ball. So I eat them. Max says it's rude to eat the things you play with, but I can't help myself. Plus, they're tasty.

Buddah's Photo Essay

This is the Dad. He had a funny blue dangly thingy he tried to get me to play with.



I've never seen this kind of thingy before!



It kept moving and I wasn't sure I wanted to catch it.



I decided to jump into the cube, just in case. Max even runned away right after this.



Since I couldn't figure it out, I decided to just hide until it went away.



It went away, so I winned!

Dona Nobis Pacem

Last night when the Mom went to bed I jumped up on the bed and she growled at me! I was on her legs and she made a grrrr noise and it scared me so I backed up onto her feet and she made it again and then said "Oh! Sweetie, I'm sorry, I was just playing!" on account of she could feel me tremble a tiny little bit, so when she said "awwwww," I walked up and sat on her chest and put my nose on hers--because you know when you do that, when you put your nose on a people's nose they can hear what you're thinking--and I thinked That was not nice. Please don't do that again and she rubbed the top of my head and said "I'm sorry. I promise I won't do that again," so I thinked all right...I'm going to plop down on you now and you're not allowed to move and I did, I plopped right down on top of her and she didn't move for a long long time, not until I decided I wanted to play in the closet.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

The Dad put a thingy out the window for the birds!

They get to eat food there and I get to watch them!

But you know what? I can't get to them, and I keep hitting my head on the window 'cause I keep trying to chase them.

Max says I'm never gonna get one, but I keep forgetting that...

Looky!



The Mom made a space on her desk just for me!
I can nap there or just sit there and I can see the little TV from there!
It's very important, because I can be a really good snoopervisor from there.

This looks like moving, doesn't it?

It looked like moving to me, and I got upset and had to look away from everything and look out the window instead.

I mean, when a bed and clothes and everything get moved from upstairs, that means moving. And I don't want to move. But Max didn't get upset, he just curled up on the climbing tower and took a nap and told me to stop worrying so much. The Mom's stuff was coming downstairs and the Other Dad's stuff was going upstairs because the Mom has trouble with stairs.

They took a bed upstairs so I guess it evens out and means we're not moving. But I stil don't like it.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

There's a new kitty in the house! I don't know his name yet or even if it's a boy kitty but he's very quiet and he wears glasses and he didn't get mad when I licked his ear like Max would. He just sat there and let me check him out, and was very nice about the whole thing.

I thought he might want to play, so I went and got him a toy mousie. I think he's kind of shy because he didn't seem to want to play with it yet but I think he might later. So I plopped down to keep him compnay for a while. Max doesn't like him, but who's surprised by that???

See where I am on top on the Supreme Commander Kitty Tower? And see right next to the picture that's hanging on the wall, the wall cutout place where I like to sit and watch people? I scared the Mom by jumping from the tower all the way to the wall cutout place! It's like jumping around a corner and my foor brushed the picture, but I made it and she went =GASP!!!= and now the Mom and the Dad think they need to move the picture because they know I'm going to do it again and they don't want to break the picture because the Dad made that all by himself with a needle and some stuff called floss and they don't want it broken.

Oh! And you see the Lady Rabbit there, too? It hides the sucky monster. I killed it. Now its head just flops to the side. It still hides the sucky monster, but it doesn't look happy about it.

Monty and William and Zippy, Sadie and Speedy and The Furry Kids and Edsel all tagged me for the 7 things memememe! I hope just 7 is enough and I don't have to do 7 for everyone who tagged me, cause I don't think I can count that high yet.

Ok. Seven Things About Buddah.

1. When I was a tiny baby kitty I was in this place that wanted to send me to the Rainbow Bridge but then someone from the Espeeceeay came, I think it was Superman, and said "Never fear, I will save you!" and he did. He saved me and my brothers and sisters and other kitties and took us to the Espeeceeay and found our forever homes for us. I was sick and no one knew it and I made Max sick and he almost died, and he still holds that against me.

2. I'm not a lap kitty even though I am very affectionate and need lots of hugs and kisses every day. I jump on the Mom for Commando Cuddling and then I run off to play with something else. She thinks there's a bug up my butt making me do that, but I've looked and I can't find it.

3. I know when it's 11 o'clock at night even though I can't read a clock, and I tell the Mom it's time for crunchy snack, and she gets me and Max a little bit of crunchy food, and I get a little more than Max because he's fat and I'm not.

4. I can open the closet doors and the Mom is very proud of that because it means I can keep myself amused all night long while she's busy sleeping and not paying attention to me.

5. Buddah is my real name and it's not spelled wrong even though there was a famous guy named Buddha but I have lots of other names, too. I'm Little Man, sweetie, sweet pea, sweet cheeks, fluffball, babycakes, pumpkin, pretty boy, and No No No Stop That.

6. I like very high places and this house has lots of them, and the best part is that I can get to them but Max can't.

7. Max isn't the only kitty in this house with a job. He's a writer, but *I'm* the Snoopervisor, and the Mom and the Dad need me to make sure things get done, and I take my job very seriously. I don't make money like Max does but that's ok, because if I need any, I just ask him and he finds a way to get me what I want. Even though he doesn't like me.

I did it! That's seven! I can't tag anyone cause think everykitty on the planet has already been tagged.

Oh! I learned something this morning. I learned that if the Mom is sitting in the bathroom and she leans over to pick something off the floor, that's not a good time to jump onto her back. Well, it's a fun time but not a good one. At least not for her.

Oh, you know what? Yesterday I was really really hungry even thoughy I got a whole can of Stinky Goodness for breakfast and I kept telling the Mom I needed something to eat but she kept saying "You just ate, sweetpea" and I said "I didn't eat a sweet pea, I ate Stinky Goodness!" So then I jumped onto her lap and rubbed my head on her and she picked me up and said "Your tummy is actually growling!" and I said "I know!" so she sneaked crunchy food into the bathroom and let me eat a little bit. But Max heard and he was outside the bathroom banging on the door saying "LET ME IN! I want food too!" but when I was done eating the Mom opened the door and acted like I didn't get extra food when Max didn't. She sneaked the food container back out so Max was looking at the empty bowl and wanted to know why I had my bowl in the bathroom and why was my tag pinging on it when there was no food there but then the Mom came back and picked him up and said "Sorry, Big Guy, but it's just an empty bowl" and she took him to the climbing tree and rubbed his head and made him forget he might have missed a snack in the bathroom.

The Dad couldn't find the thingy he wears on his arm that tells him what time it is for 2 days so he borrowed the mom's time thingy because she didn't need it since Max always tells her when it's time to feed the kitties, and he looked and looked for his time thingy and yesterday he found it under the bed and it had some little toothy marks on it, and you know what? They think I was playing with it! Max is the one who likes to treat things to a toothy death so I don't know why they think it was me, even though I like to play with thingies and carry them around in my mouth and sometimes leave them under a bed and the time thingy didn't have a toothy death, just a couple of pokey marks. No one was mad so I guess it's okay they think it was me, especially since it was.

Today I snoopervised while the Mom was getting dust off the big thingy with the TV in it and she said I was doing a very good job, so I tried to help more and move the cloth for her but she said that wasn't being helpful, so I grabbed it with my claws and ran away with it. She sighed real hard and said "well I guess that means I'm done" and I thought yep, now you're done so you can come play with me, but then she got out the sucky monster and made lots of noise. I didn't like that but I snoopervised anyway. She did a very good job and I think she deserved a crunchy treat, but she didn't get one, she just opened a can of that fizzy stuff she likes to drink instead. I would have liked a crunchy treat...

Last night I found a little ball on the floor and I pushed it with my paw and it made a tinkling sound, like jingle jingle jingle so I started rolling it around and it got really loud! Then the Mom got up and said "What are you doing? It's the middle of the night." I didn't say anything, I just showed her the ball I found and how good it rolls and jingles, and then she sighed really hard and went back to bed. When I got tired of that I looked out the back door and there was a kitty out there, and he went to the side of the house so I jumped on the kitchen counter and tried to look at him out the window there but the shade thingy was down so I had to hit it and stick my head through the slats and then the Mom came downstairs and said "What are you doing now?" but she saw my head in the slats and muttered something not nice but she opened it for me so I could see out but by then the kitty was gone so I got down and she said "You're taking lessons from Max, aren't you?" Then she went back to bed again and I decided that was a good time to run up and down the stairs and play Thundering Herd Of Elephants. Max decided to play, too! But I don't think the Mom appreciated that we were playing together, because I heard her say something about duct tape and furry little butts...

Max and I have a new game! It's called Thundering Herd Of Elephants and it can only be played at 2 in the morning because Max says that's when the game is the most fun and the most loud, and the whole goal of Thundering Herd Of Elephants is to run as fast as you and and be as loud as you can just using only your paws! To play, you have to start at the bottom of the stairs and run up, then down the hallway, then into the Mom's office where you tag the climbing trees so hard they go THUNK on the wall, then you run back down the hall and the stairs and do it all over again until the Mom gets up and says "Holy crap, you two sound like a thundering herd of elephants!" And then maybe she says she's going to duct tape your little paws together but she doesn't really mean it. Then you stop until she goes back to bed, after that you can do it all over again. Max says the more kitties who play this the better it is, so if you have lots of kitties in your family you should do this with all of them. It's terrific fun!