The Adventures Of Buddah Pest

King of the run-on sentence...

LOOKY!!!! LOOK LOOK LOOK!


For Buddah

The Dad made tis for me for Christmas! It's a brand new scratching post and it's really tall, so tall I can stand on my back legs and stretch as hard as I can stretch and still claw at it and if I want I can jump up and sit on the top, and it's really all mine because Max doesn't have front claws! We got lots of other things too from Santa but this is my favorite thing along with the crunchy treats the Grandma gave us!



Looky! Max and I gotted a Secret Paws package in the mail today from Gracie!


After the Mom opened the package, we both tried to stick our heads into the envelope but that didn't work out so good, and the Dad took pictures of our butts.
Let us see!

We kinda took turns and I got to open this one.

Me too!

Hehehehe lookit Max, he was rubbing his head on this one!

Can I see what's in there?

I really liked this bear--it has catnip in it!

Oh...Dooooood...

And, well, when something has catnip in it, this happens:

Noms

Thank you, Gracie! I love all our presents and everyone was laughing on account of Max got some whiffs of the catnip and started playing, and that hardly ever happens!

What we got

See, this is how nice Gracie was to us! And she's really cute, too!

When the nice lady from the cat food place that has really really good crunchy food, I think it's called Nutro, sent us some to try she also sent us a kitty, and Max does not like that new kitty so I thought about it and decided I should be a good little brother and do something about it.


kill da kitty

I bited its head and bunny kicked it and told it if it doesn't leave Max alone I will EAT it, and then it didn't say anything so I'm pretty sure it's scared of me now.

Look! Looklooklooklooklook!


Buddah's new hangout

This is my new place to hang out! See the red wall behind me? The Dad made this special thing that hides the freaking awful looking TV cable and it's not painted, it's covered in scratching post material so if I want to scratch, I can! And the Mom took the fuzzy blankets and folded them just right so that I can curl up on them and take a nap right where it's very warm! I have to share it with max, but it was really just for me!

Looky! I went exploring in the food thingy. I got on top the the refrigedator and then got onto the top shelf where old cereal and Pop Tarts go to die. I figured it was ok since all that stuff has been there since we moved in, I think.


Buddah goes exploring...

The Mom and the Dad wanted me to get out but I didn't see any reason to because it's not like there was anything to get into up there, just stale food that not even a mousie would want, but the Mom dragged out a chair to get me anyway.

He refused to get out

She got me out but that doesn't mean I won't get back up there again. 'Cause now I know I can get in it, and if I'm all stealthy maybe they won't notice.

Licking his lips

The fire thingy wasn't on but it was nice and warm in front of it anyway so Max and I curled up and had a nice nap this evening, on account of we were sleepy because we got to eat come chicken from that nice guy Denny that the People go see a lot.


No fire...

Denny is a really good cook and he should probably be famous or something because I like much chicken and I don't like much people food at all, so if I eat it it must be really really really good.

Max says the People really need to do something about that stupid white cord thingy that goes from the wall into the TV because they took it down when the Mom was painting and they still haven't put it back where it belongs because they're lazy and stuff and it's been WEEKS, so it's time for them to do it already, and usually I think Max is kinda mean but this time I think he's kinda right.

Don't tell Max!




But I took a nap in his bed! Hehehehehehe.

Looky! Can you believe the Mom was gonna throw this away???


Buddah's cheap bed

I sat on it and claimed it, so now I get to keep it.

Looky! Looky! Hell froze over! We have proof!


Holy crap, they're butt to butt...

Our butts are almost touching!

Looky! The Mom made the fire thingy go!

buddah by the fire

I sat in front of it for a long time, until I was all toasty and warm and had to go find something to play with, and that was fun because the Mom gave me a twist tie that she made into a loop so that I wouldn't accidentally swallow it and I batted that around for a long long time, an look, we have a new rug and it's lots of fun to roll around on because it's softer than the floor.

Looky, the Mom was rubbing yellow on the walls and I snoopervised to make sure it got done right.


My little helper

I got a little on my tail a few days ago, but it's all gone now so it's okay, but it would have been nice if she's told me that the walls were wet and the stuff would come off if I flicked my tail on one.

Oh man yesterday I had a tummy ache and I barfed all over the place and didn't want to eat when the Dad gave us Stinky Goodness in the morning and I didn't even want crunchy treats...all I wanted was to curl up on the comfy chair and sleep so he let me go curl up and I stayed there all day long until the Mom was making herself some lunch at 2 o'clock and then I wanted a crunchy treat so she let me eat one and then let me eat a bunch, but she didn't try to make me eat anything else, she just petted me and groped my ears and said "You're a little warm there, Little Man" and later the Dad tried to give me tuna water but I didn't want it, but when it was time for the Mom to open a can at 9 I wanted some and ate half, and this morning I ate almost a whole can so I think i feel a little better.

Oh no! Today was a horrible day and even though the horrible is over I can still smell it all over the house and it smells like woofy and I got to see the woofy because the Mom picked me up and showed me to him while the Other Dad held him and I was not happy but I didn't cry, not until I saw this:


On the chair


He sat in my special spot and the Other Dad was sitting on the Gizzy and I think they let the woofy sit on the Gizzy too because I can smell him all over it and I don't know what I'll do because I don't think I'll ever get over this and then I heard the Mom and the Dad say that the woofy is coming back soon and he's staying for 4 whole days and they won't be here to protect me and I think the Other Dad will but the woofy might eat me.

Max says the new gizzy is his...


Buddah takes over


...but I got on it anyway.

And look where he got stuck sitting!


To the victor goes the gizzy


Hahahahahahaha!


Your kittyless day  It does not amuse me

OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!!!!

I'M FAMOUSER THAN MAX!!!

Looky! I'm in the September issue of Reader's Digest! On page 113!



They didn't spell it exactly right but that's okay because it's ME and IT'S NOT MAX!!!

Looky! I got a new box!


I does too fit!

The Mom thinks it's funny but I dunno why.

And her friend in Wiskeronsin sended me some duckies!

Mine!

The Mom says they were for her but I don't think so. What's she gonna do with duckies? I knew as soon as she opened the package they were for me and I tried very hard to tell her that and it took her a while to realize they were perfect for Buddah.

I tried to nom one

Nom da duckie?

but it doesn't taste like chicken, oh no...

What to do on a hot afternoon:


Zzzzzz

This morning I wanted to play Thundering Herd of Elephants but Max was busy trying to get the Mom to get her lazy butt outta bed and I was disappointed but he said to go ahead and play with myself, because there's nothing wrong with that, so I did! I ran up and down the hall and made my feets thunder as loud as they could and you know what!? There was a blanket in the hall because someone left it there after they changed the sheets and I think they forgot about it because it's been there for like forever, and when I was running I jumped on it and I surfed down the hall on it! That was great fun! When the Mom got up she went into her litter box room and I was gonna play for a little bit longer while I waited for her to come out and open cans of Stinky Goodness but then I thought I better go make room for it so i went to my litter box and then when the Mom came out of her litter box room she said "Oh my god Buddah! hat crawled up in your a$$ and died???" but I couldn't answer her because I never saw anything go anywhere near my butt, and I sure didn't feel it crawl inside.

I have been very very very busy helping the Mom work lately. Here I am telling her that it's time to get back to work:


My editor


She says I'm being very helpful while I lie on her desk and block her view of the monitor, which I think is a good thing because I'm trying hard to be helpful, and sometimes I even touch the ENTER key on the keyboard for her which creates new and interesting paragraphs and she's very polite because she always says, "Gee, thanks for that."

My job would be easier if she would clean all the krap off her desk but I don't think that's ever going to happen because there's a lot of it and if she stopped to clean it up she might never get any work done.

Oh, oh, oh! Last night the Mom was sleepin' on her stomach and I wanted to sleep on the bed with her so I jumped up there but Max was already there at the foot of the bed and he really doesn't like it when I get up there but I figured the Mom was there so it was all right, and I tried to crawl on top of her and curl up where it was safe, but Max decided he wanted to do that too, and we both wanted to sleep on her squishy butt, so we would up having a fight right there on her asterisk!

She was not happy about it and chased us both off the bed so I didn't get to sleep with her but the good news is that neither did Max!

Oh, you know what? When I bit the Mom the other day I left pokey holes, four of them, and the next day she looked and one was a little red and had a zit like thingy on it, so she popped it and then she cleaned everything out really really well and it looks all better now but I still don't know why I did it and last night when we were on the bed together and I was close to her face she was a little bit afraid that I was gonna do it again, but to her nose.

Look! The Mom got me a new blog layout thingy and this one is really pretty and she says it fits my whimsy better, but I dunno about that because no one has ever tried to measure my whimsy and I'm not sure I'd let the because I don't know what that is, and it sounds kinda like it might have something to do with my missing hoo-has.

She's gonna add a blogroll for me later because the one I used to have was really outdated and there are lots of new kitties but she can't just import one like it was french wine or whatever that means, so she has to do it by hand and says that will have to wait for a time when she's either really bored or stoned out of her mind. Max says he hopes for the latter, so please start chucking rocks at her.

(Oh and pee ess, comments are now above posts instead of below and that's kinda confusing I guess...)

Oh you know what I did yesterday? I bit the Mom on the arm and I left 4 pokey holes and she is NOT happy with me, and she said bad words and wanted to know WHY I bited her because she was just sitting here and I jumped in her lap like I wanted to be petted but I chomped down on her arm like it was a crunchy treat but I couldn't tell her why because I DON'T KNOW!

I know it's been a very very very very very very very long time since I blogged but the Mom has been hogging the computers, all of them, and when she takes a break Max is all OH NO YOU DON'T if I try to go near one because he thinks he's, like, special or something and that all the kitties want to her from him, so I never ever ever get a chance but sometimes no one is using the computers but there are things outside the window to look at and get excited about, like this GIANT bluejay that was in the front yard, and I was looking out my special screen door and it was YELLING at me like HA HA HA HA I'M OUTSIDE AND YOU'RE NOT and I thought that was very rude and he doesn't know that if someone would open the door I would EAT him.

Look at this ! Look Looko Look!!!





This thing keeps wandering around the house and it already has the Dad and I'm pretty sure if it catches me IT'S GOING TO EAT ME! So far I've stayed way way away from it but the Dad keeps saying "It's just me, Buddah" but I know better that thing is eating him and it wants me too! Max keeps going near it but it doesn't seem to move much when he's near it so I don't think it wants an old flabby kitty to snack on, it just wants a tender young JOOSY kitty! IT'S LIKE A VISHUS DEER!!! I think I'm going to stay on top of the climbing tower because it can't get me up there.

I am really really really going to miss the Dad when it's done eating him.

LOOKY!


Treats!!!!

The Grandma came she she gave us treats, and we ate them right out of her hand and I've never done that before, probably because the Mom and the Dad just plunk them down on the counter and expect us to eat them that way, but this was pretty cool and I think we should try it again! In fact, the Dad is at the store buying more treats so maybe we'll get some later!

I've been very very busy playing with my new mousies and playing Thundering Herd of Elephants (mostly by myself because Max likes to sleep a lot) and making the Mom pick me up and give me cuddles. I do that because she thinks it's cute when I want to be picked up and I put my head on her shoulder and get kisses and sooner or later she's going to think it's so cute that she'll give me crunchy treats. But a lot of what I do is try to get her to open the door so I can look through the see through door.


Dood, that's a heck of a present

The Mom says it's called a "security door" and it's not like a regular screen door because it's got a heavy mesh thingy instead of screen and the frame is metal and it has those metal bars and it takes a lot to get it open if it's locked. She also says that we didn't need the security so much as they needed to keep my Claws of Doom from destroying a screen door because they're pretty sure that eventually I'll try to climb it or there will be an outside kitty that makes me want to rip my way to freedom so I can visit. But you see that window by the door? The Mom keeps the shade thingy open a little so we can see out it when the door is closed, and there are like THREE outside kitties that keep coming up and looking in! I get very excited and the Mom thinks it's really funny because the outside cats just sit there and look inside. I hope they don't actually want to come inside because I don't know what I'd do, except maybe pee on the floor a little.

Oh! Guys guys guys! Max really DID remember my birthday and he got me a present. Two presents!


Max's 4th birthday present to Buddah

He got me TWO mousies!

He picked a favorite right off

My favorite is the brown one. I played with it ALOT.
But you see the door behind me?

His biggest gift

It's for me!
It's a special see-through door that can survive my Claws of Doom!
Plus, it means bad people have to stay out.

Dood, that's a heck of a present

But it also keeps kitties IN.

There was HAM! for dinner but I don't like people food much, so I let Max have mine because he likes it A LOT and the Mom gave me a WHOLE BUNCH of crunchy treats! And I got the BEST PLACE to nap on the big bed ALL DAY LONG!

I had a very, very good birthday.

Being 4 ROCKS!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

I'M FOUR YEARS OLD!!!


And you know what? Because Max is almost 8 now, he's TWICE as old as me! Hahahahahaha. But even though I keep making fun of him he says he still got me a present, but I hafta wait until the Dad wakes up before I get it. But I have A LOT to do today so that's ok!

I'll show you pictures of my presents later! Right now I have to be like Billy Sweet Feets and PLAY!PLAY!PLAY!

There is a lot to do in the new house, and this is just one of the things:


It's a cat walk, right?

I have lots of places to climb and jump, and the floor here is really cool because there's a lot of it and I can run and slide all over the place, and then when I'm tired I can go nap on the big long pillows on the People Bed, and then I start everything all over again. Max says watching me makes him very tired and that I should slow down a little because I'm gonna be 4 years old soon, but just because Max was a flabby sleepy blob when he was 4 that doesn't mean I have to be so I'm gonna keep running and sliding and having fun with the new house even when it isn't new anymore. So there.

Don't tell Max...

\Don't tell Max

...I got in his bed to soak up the warm.

I asked Max what he was doing, but he couldn't understand me with the mousie in my mouth.


Wha Woo woon Wax?


So I played fetch with the Dad for a little bit, and then plopped down.

Kill! Kill!

Pretty soon, I'm gonna make it all dead.

Looky!


Whole thing to himself

I found a way up there first! Max hasn't even been this high!

Wait, what? You want ME to put the bookshelves together?


Huh?


All right. I hope I get treats after this.

=sigh=


I'm tryin' I really am but this is HARD! The directions are written in IKEA and I don't speak that!!!

I'm trying!


That was hard work, really hard work...but it looks good, doesn't it?

After

OK, I don't think I like doing the m-word very much because it gets noisy and I get locked in a room with Max and then when we come out all our stuff is just GONE and even though we KNOW the Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad took it to a new place we have to look around JUST IN CASE, and then someone picks you up and shoves you into a PTU and before you know it BAM you're slinking around a really scary place that smells WRONG and nothing is where it's supposed to be, like the litterbox, which isn't by a Giant Litterbox anymore but it's by the washing machine, and that's just unpleasant.

The first night we were here I slept on the Dad and Max slept on the Mom but then then Dad had to go pass gas so Max said "you sleep on one side of her and I'll sleep on the other, and we'll get so close that the blankets will be really tight around her and she won't be able to move and that will be really funny!" so we did that and she couldn't move and it really was funny, but the next night I got onto the bed before he did and curled up on top of her and that made Max mad, and I thought THAT was funny, so I did it again the next night and now he's really pissy and grumpy, especially because I've also been sitting in the Mom's lap and he thinks it belongs to him, but I think it's First Come First Served and he can just bite me.

I'm not sure I like the new place yet because it still smells funny and there are noises I don't know and I can't find my toys or anything, but I did find the climbing trees and they're by a window we can see out of, but we still don't know where the Supreme Commander Kitty Tower is, and Max really wants that back but all I really want is for this place to feel like home and not all weird and stuff.

The Mom says that will take a while because she's very tired and isn't putting stuff away as fast as she'd like so the house is going to look like it barfed on itself for a while but until it looks good and I feel safe I can keep sleeping on her and sitting on her and I hope I feel safe soon because I just don't like feeling like this.

This is why I couldn't just jump on the next box to get the toy...


Why Buddah couldn't jump...

...it wasn't a box to jump on, just some flat things that want to be boxes and I tried to balance on them before, but they hurt my feet, so I'm not a kitty disgrace I'm just BLOCKED from my toy.

I can see where my fevvur toy is...


I can see my feather toy

...but I don't know how to get to it.

See that thingy by the chair?


What the heck is that thingy?

I don't know what it is, but it moves back and forth and blows hot air and I don't trust it one bit so I'm keeping a close eye on it in case it does something bad, like spit fire or fart, on account of the Mom is sitting real close to it most of the time since it showed up, and someone has to go tell the Dad that she's on fire.

Yesterday I was upstairs and the Mom was downstairs and my tummy was just a little bit upset but it came on so fast I didn't have time to get downstairs where there is no white carpet just pretend-wood floors so I started horking and she called out "Who's throwing up?" but I couldn't answer because I was busy horking my breakfast up, and you'd think she would understand that because I've seen her hork her toenails up and it's not a pretty sight and I bet she couldn't talk then either, so when I didn't say "It's me, Buddah" she came up the stairs and saw that I had barfed up my deep dark brown breakfast all over the almost white carpet and I was afraid I was going to get in trouble but I didn't run because I'm a man cat now, I stood there and was willing to take whatever punishment I was gonna get for ruining the alost white carpet, but she didn't get mad she just said "Ohhh poor baby" and then she made the Dad clean it up because 1) kitty barfs makes her gag and 2) she's not stupid, so he cleaned it up and got the barf machine thingy out and put it on the spots where I horked, and pretty soon they were all gone but they both said it didn't matter on account of we're gonna do the m-word and the lady that owns the house won't own it by then, and who f$^#%@&g cares what the bank thinks.

I felt a whole lot better after I was done horking.

Happy New Year!

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