Oh! Someone new came into my house today and said hi to me but then he said he wouldn't come closer because he didn't want to scare me and I looked kind of like I didn't want him to be there, but it wasn't that, it was just that I was surprised he was there at all since I never saw him before, and then he went other places in the house, clicking his flashy box, and then he left, and when he left the Mom and the Dad waited for his car to go away and they pulled out the Febreeze spray, because even though he was a nice guy he really did stink, and Max says that's because he sets his lollipops on fire and sucks on them, which seems like an odd kind of thing to do.
Max's job in the morning is to wake the Mom up and tell her it's time for breakfast and to get out of bed and take her opposable thumbs downstairs so someone can open a can of Stinky Goodness, but a couple of mornings this week I went in and did his job for him because it seems like a fun job to have, plus you sometimes learn fun new words, but this morning when I went in and said HEY GET UP! Max came in and told me to be quiet because it was too early to wake her up, and if you wake her up that early it's like asking the devil to do something--you might get what you want but you sure won't like the results. I told him it was light outside and I was hungry and it had been at least 5 sleeps since we had any good food but he said no, we kind of have a deal with the Mom, that we will let her sleep at least until it's time for the Regis guy to skwawk on the TV, but usually a little later on account of she's bassackwards and stays up pretty late but I said she wouldn't mind just this once and he started to say something else but she sat up and said WILL YOU TWO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE TO TALK? and then Max said "Well, once her eyeballs are visible it's all fair game" so he jumped on the bed and when she laid back down he put his head near her ear and went "Meow" every 2.2 seconds almost like a whisper until she finally said some of those fun words and got up and put her clothes on and did her drugs and stuff. But you know what? She didn't feed us! She sat down and read the paper and there was no Regis skwawking on the TV but then I found out it's Saturday and he sleeps in on Saturdays, too, so we had to wait until Regular Breakfast Time anyway, which was a big disappointment, and Max said to get used to it, because most of my life is gonna be that way.
I learned things this week.
- If you jump on Max and sink your teeth into his neck, the Mom gets upset, and if she sees you spit out a mouthful of Max fur she will pick it up and show it to you and say "this was mean!"
- She won't be any happier when you reach out and scratch her hand to show just how mean you can be.
- Max doesn't run from booming things outside or when a stranger comes into the house, but he runs from a tiny carpet cleaning thingy.
- Oh, and if you barf in the right place the Mom and the Dad won't see it for all day and then they have to use the tiny carpet cleaning thingy to clean it all up.
- The Mom forgets thing and I know this because she forgot what my sign in name was for my blog for days and days and days so I couldn't get on here to say anything.
- If you start to chew on a thingy sticking out of the wall, the Mom gets very excited and jumps out of bed and says "No! That will electrocute you!"
- I'm not sure what that means but it sounds exciting.
- People armpits smell interesting, but they don't taste very good.