The Adventures Of Buddah Pest

What to do on a hot afternoon:

This morning I wanted to play Thundering Herd of Elephants but Max was busy trying to get the Mom to get her lazy butt outta bed and I was disappointed but he said to go ahead and play with myself, because there's nothing wrong with that, so I did! I ran up and down the hall and made my feets thunder as loud as they could and you know what!? There was a blanket in the hall because someone left it there after they changed the sheets and I think they forgot about it because it's been there for like forever, and when I was running I jumped on it and I surfed down the hall on it! That was great fun! When the Mom got up she went into her litter box room and I was gonna play for a little bit longer while I waited for her to come out and open cans of Stinky Goodness but then I thought I better go make room for it so i went to my litter box and then when the Mom came out of her litter box room she said "Oh my god Buddah! hat crawled up in your a$$ and died???" but I couldn't answer her because I never saw anything go anywhere near my butt, and I sure didn't feel it crawl inside.

I have been very very very busy helping the Mom work lately. Here I am telling her that it's time to get back to work:

She says I'm being very helpful while I lie on her desk and block her view of the monitor, which I think is a good thing because I'm trying hard to be helpful, and sometimes I even touch the ENTER key on the keyboard for her which creates new and interesting paragraphs and she's very polite because she always says, "Gee, thanks for that."

My job would be easier if she would clean all the krap off her desk but I don't think that's ever going to happen because there's a lot of it and if she stopped to clean it up she might never get any work done.

Oh, oh, oh! Last night the Mom was sleepin' on her stomach and I wanted to sleep on the bed with her so I jumped up there but Max was already there at the foot of the bed and he really doesn't like it when I get up there but I figured the Mom was there so it was all right, and I tried to crawl on top of her and curl up where it was safe, but Max decided he wanted to do that too, and we both wanted to sleep on her squishy butt, so we would up having a fight right there on her asterisk!

She was not happy about it and chased us both off the bed so I didn't get to sleep with her but the good news is that neither did Max!

Oh, you know what? When I bit the Mom the other day I left pokey holes, four of them, and the next day she looked and one was a little red and had a zit like thingy on it, so she popped it and then she cleaned everything out really really well and it looks all better now but I still don't know why I did it and last night when we were on the bed together and I was close to her face she was a little bit afraid that I was gonna do it again, but to her nose.

Look! The Mom got me a new blog layout thingy and this one is really pretty and she says it fits my whimsy better, but I dunno about that because no one has ever tried to measure my whimsy and I'm not sure I'd let the because I don't know what that is, and it sounds kinda like it might have something to do with my missing hoo-has.

She's gonna add a blogroll for me later because the one I used to have was really outdated and there are lots of new kitties but she can't just import one like it was french wine or whatever that means, so she has to do it by hand and says that will have to wait for a time when she's either really bored or stoned out of her mind. Max says he hopes for the latter, so please start chucking rocks at her.

(Oh and pee ess, comments are now above posts instead of below and that's kinda confusing I guess...)

Oh you know what I did yesterday? I bit the Mom on the arm and I left 4 pokey holes and she is NOT happy with me, and she said bad words and wanted to know WHY I bited her because she was just sitting here and I jumped in her lap like I wanted to be petted but I chomped down on her arm like it was a crunchy treat but I couldn't tell her why because I DON'T KNOW!

I know it's been a very very very very very very very long time since I blogged but the Mom has been hogging the computers, all of them, and when she takes a break Max is all OH NO YOU DON'T if I try to go near one because he thinks he's, like, special or something and that all the kitties want to her from him, so I never ever ever get a chance but sometimes no one is using the computers but there are things outside the window to look at and get excited about, like this GIANT bluejay that was in the front yard, and I was looking out my special screen door and it was YELLING at me like HA HA HA HA I'M OUTSIDE AND YOU'RE NOT and I thought that was very rude and he doesn't know that if someone would open the door I would EAT him.

Look at this ! Look Looko Look!!!

This thing keeps wandering around the house and it already has the Dad and I'm pretty sure if it catches me IT'S GOING TO EAT ME! So far I've stayed way way away from it but the Dad keeps saying "It's just me, Buddah" but I know better that thing is eating him and it wants me too! Max keeps going near it but it doesn't seem to move much when he's near it so I don't think it wants an old flabby kitty to snack on, it just wants a tender young JOOSY kitty! IT'S LIKE A VISHUS DEER!!! I think I'm going to stay on top of the climbing tower because it can't get me up there.

I am really really really going to miss the Dad when it's done eating him.

LOOKY!

The Grandma came she she gave us treats, and we ate them right out of her hand and I've never done that before, probably because the Mom and the Dad just plunk them down on the counter and expect us to eat them that way, but this was pretty cool and I think we should try it again! In fact, the Dad is at the store buying more treats so maybe we'll get some later!

I've been very very busy playing with my new mousies and playing Thundering Herd of Elephants (mostly by myself because Max likes to sleep a lot) and making the Mom pick me up and give me cuddles. I do that because she thinks it's cute when I want to be picked up and I put my head on her shoulder and get kisses and sooner or later she's going to think it's so cute that she'll give me crunchy treats. But a lot of what I do is try to get her to open the door so I can look through the see through door.

The Mom says it's called a "security door" and it's not like a regular screen door because it's got a heavy mesh thingy instead of screen and the frame is metal and it has those metal bars and it takes a lot to get it open if it's locked. She also says that we didn't need the security so much as they needed to keep my Claws of Doom from destroying a screen door because they're pretty sure that eventually I'll try to climb it or there will be an outside kitty that makes me want to rip my way to freedom so I can visit. But you see that window by the door? The Mom keeps the shade thingy open a little so we can see out it when the door is closed, and there are like THREE outside kitties that keep coming up and looking in! I get very excited and the Mom thinks it's really funny because the outside cats just sit there and look inside. I hope they don't actually want to come inside because I don't know what I'd do, except maybe pee on the floor a little.

Oh! Guys guys guys! Max really DID remember my birthday and he got me a present. Two presents!

He got me TWO mousies!



My favorite is the brown one. I played with it ALOT.
But you see the door behind me?



It's for me!
It's a special see-through door that can survive my Claws of Doom!
Plus, it means bad people have to stay out.



But it also keeps kitties IN.

There was HAM! for dinner but I don't like people food much, so I let Max have mine because he likes it A LOT and the Mom gave me a WHOLE BUNCH of crunchy treats! And I got the BEST PLACE to nap on the big bed ALL DAY LONG!

I had a very, very good birthday.

Being 4 ROCKS!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

I'M FOUR YEARS OLD!!!

And you know what? Because Max is almost 8 now, he's TWICE as old as me! Hahahahahaha. But even though I keep making fun of him he says he still got me a present, but I hafta wait until the Dad wakes up before I get it. But I have A LOT to do today so that's ok!

I'll show you pictures of my presents later! Right now I have to be like Billy Sweet Feets and PLAY!PLAY!PLAY!

There is a lot to do in the new house, and this is just one of the things:

I have lots of places to climb and jump, and the floor here is really cool because there's a lot of it and I can run and slide all over the place, and then when I'm tired I can go nap on the big long pillows on the People Bed, and then I start everything all over again. Max says watching me makes him very tired and that I should slow down a little because I'm gonna be 4 years old soon, but just because Max was a flabby sleepy blob when he was 4 that doesn't mean I have to be so I'm gonna keep running and sliding and having fun with the new house even when it isn't new anymore. So there.

Don't tell Max...

\

...I got in his bed to soak up the warm.

I asked Max what he was doing, but he couldn't understand me with the mousie in my mouth.

So I played fetch with the Dad for a little bit, and then plopped down.



Pretty soon, I'm gonna make it all dead.

Looky!

I found a way up there first! Max hasn't even been this high!

Wait, what? You want ME to put the bookshelves together?

All right. I hope I get treats after this.




I'm tryin' I really am but this is HARD! The directions are written in IKEA and I don't speak that!!!




That was hard work, really hard work...but it looks good, doesn't it?

OK, I don't think I like doing the m-word very much because it gets noisy and I get locked in a room with Max and then when we come out all our stuff is just GONE and even though we KNOW the Mom and the Dad and the Other Dad took it to a new place we have to look around JUST IN CASE, and then someone picks you up and shoves you into a PTU and before you know it BAM you're slinking around a really scary place that smells WRONG and nothing is where it's supposed to be, like the litterbox, which isn't by a Giant Litterbox anymore but it's by the washing machine, and that's just unpleasant.

The first night we were here I slept on the Dad and Max slept on the Mom but then then Dad had to go pass gas so Max said "you sleep on one side of her and I'll sleep on the other, and we'll get so close that the blankets will be really tight around her and she won't be able to move and that will be really funny!" so we did that and she couldn't move and it really was funny, but the next night I got onto the bed before he did and curled up on top of her and that made Max mad, and I thought THAT was funny, so I did it again the next night and now he's really pissy and grumpy, especially because I've also been sitting in the Mom's lap and he thinks it belongs to him, but I think it's First Come First Served and he can just bite me.

I'm not sure I like the new place yet because it still smells funny and there are noises I don't know and I can't find my toys or anything, but I did find the climbing trees and they're by a window we can see out of, but we still don't know where the Supreme Commander Kitty Tower is, and Max really wants that back but all I really want is for this place to feel like home and not all weird and stuff.

The Mom says that will take a while because she's very tired and isn't putting stuff away as fast as she'd like so the house is going to look like it barfed on itself for a while but until it looks good and I feel safe I can keep sleeping on her and sitting on her and I hope I feel safe soon because I just don't like feeling like this.

This is why I couldn't just jump on the next box to get the toy...

...it wasn't a box to jump on, just some flat things that want to be boxes and I tried to balance on them before, but they hurt my feet, so I'm not a kitty disgrace I'm just BLOCKED from my toy.